Happiness is a matter of perception.

I'm sitting here in the college cafeteria. My headphones are drowning out the chattering of each neighboring table with the sound of Taylor Swift's voice. She sings about a beautiful magic love affair, a sad beautiful tragic one. In this moment I'm wondering how two things can be completely opposite yet the same all at one time. Suddenly I'm drawing parallels to my own life.

Here I am.
Watching. Waiting. Eating. Breathing.
Both eyes moving together.
One minute after another.

One mouthful of food at a time.
One breath after the next...

And to everyone in this room I probably seem to be living a rather simple life. Just watching, waiting, eating, and breathing. I suppose that is probably true. I am just watching, waiting, eating and breathing right now. But it feels like I'm doing so much more. I am living simply. But I have a severely complex schedule, which my life is based on from day to day.
I wake, shower, eat, ready myself for the day, drive either to work, or college (sometimes both), I run my department during each 10 hour shift, I go from class to class and then from student to student as I am a tutor, and when the day is done and my time is used up, I go home. I do homework, eat, ready myself for sleep, and my body shuts off for anywhere from 5-9 hours. I shouldn't make myself sound like a robot. But, I feel like one.

I feel like a confused robot. Like my life is just a long list of things to do, places to go, people to see. I think I understand what it means to feel completely opposing feelings at the same time.
Let me explain:

I'm happy because I'm making progress, and I'm getting somewhere. Slowly, but surely. There's a lot that I'm thankful for. I have a great family, decent friends, an extraordinary boyfriend. I'm smart, and beautiful. I'm not in any debt, and I recently bought myself a reliable vehicle, which I love. I have a full time job, and a part time one, and I have the privilege to tutor other students. I'm not struggling financially, as I work hard to pay for the things I have. I'm healthy, and striving. What more could a person ask for? I'm married to my life, and we have a beautiful magic love affair.

The problem is, I'm terribly sad at the same time. And no one seems to understand why. I honestly can't tell you how many times I have heard the following words:

"You have so much to look forward to in the future."

"It won't be like this forever."

"Someday you're going to look back and be happy that you did this."

"You can do it, you're so smart."

"You're so lucky."

Ah. The last two are my favorites. They think I'm lucky. They think I'm smart. Yes. That must be what this misery is. It's all luck. It's all because I'm smart.

When I hear this from people I want to grab them by the throat and choke slam them into the ground (sorry for the violence, but it's true). The consequence of my hard work, and responsible decision making is not luck. And where I am today is not just because I am smart. There is a difference between smart people and hardworking people- and I can tell you right now, that if I was smart, I would not struggle like I do.

Anyways, back to no one understanding my sadness: A few days ago I came home from work. I got up at 6:45 am, showered, and arrived to work at 8:00 am. After 10 hours I returned home to find the lights off, boyfriend sitting on the couch, controller in hand, gun fire noises filling the room. I can hardly explain what I was feeling at that moment. I was irritated. Enraged. Livid. Upset. Sad. Confused. In that order too. All within the first few seconds of walking in the door. I sat at the table, trying to collect myself, and to figure out what I ought to do. Jared came up behind me and whispered, "You've not said 10 words since you've been in the door. What's wrong?" Before I knew it nonchalant insults were flying out left and right. Jared's blood was beginning to boil, so I did I all I knew how. We stood holding eachother for at least 10 minutes before either of us said a word. 

Jared's voice came over smooth and cool, "What's wrong, honey."  

I sobbed, "I don't want to stand up any more," and I immediately crumpled to the floor.

I think we layed on the living room floor for another 20 minutes, just holding onto oneanother, not saying anything. Finally I broke the silence with the best explanation I knew to give.

"You have to understand how it feels to wake up every day knowing that in the next 24 hours, everything you do is going to be a check off the never ending, reoccurring list of things to do that you really would rather not do. It starts to really take a toll on you when you're constantly working toward a goal which gives no feeling of accomplishment until the very last time you have to go through the motions. It makes it seem unattainable, and because of that, everything you have to do that you don't want to do seems useless. Eventually you become more and more miserable, and your misery seems to be the product of useless actions that will never bring you any closer to accomplishing your goal."

He listened patiently.

My voice was muffled by his chest. "Sometimes I just want to give up."

I felt his hand begin to rub circles into my back. His soft lips kissed my forehead. 

"I'm sad because there is nothing I am doing today, or any day, that I want to do. I haven't been able to do the things I want to do in so long. What is the purpose of having your own life if it is not to do what you want to do with it each and every day?"

"What do you want to do?" He asked.

I stared blankly at the wall directly across from us. It occured to me that no one had ever asked me this question before. I have always taken the reigns and done whatever is in my best interest, whether I want to do it or not.

 The question repeated itself again and again in my mind. What do I want to do?

"Well?" He urged me to answer.

"I want to be happy," I said quietly.

Jared looked me straight in the face and said, "Then be happy. Just be happy." 

Suddenly it was just that simple. Being happy is not what happens when you do certain things. Being happy does not have to be the result of what you do in a day. Being happy is having a positive state of mind. It is not worrying about what was or what will be, but rather what is. Being happy is taking things day by day. One foot in front of the other. Being happy is taking things one second at a time, for however long it takes. It is taking the good and the bad together, and making the best of things. Afterall, you can't have one without the other. Being happy is embracing the dualities in our lives and choosing to put more energy into the good parts than the bad.

So, in the next few days, when work and school combined with everything else that makes a teenager's life completely hectic takes over, causing me to feel like I'm married to a life that is sad beautiful and tragic, I will remember that while it seems sad and tragic, it is still beautiful. And that being happy it is only a matter of perception that can only be decided by the eye of the beholder.

It's Christmastime.

Hello my lovelies,

First and foremost: I owe everyone who follows my blog an apology. I am deeply sorry about the lack of posts as of late. In the upcoming months I promise to continue blogging weekly as I have before.

It makes me so sad that I haven't posted a single thing in over a month. The Christmas season is such a busy time for myself and for everyone else. Now that it is [unfortunately] over, I'll have the opportunity to get back into the swing of things.

I've seriously missed my blogging family.

On a lighter and much happier note, today is finally Christmas, and I am happy to say that I will be spending the entire day with my family. I have been needing this more than anything else lately. College does something weird to you, that makes you wish you never left home in the first place. You begin to miss your family more than you ever would have imagined. It's crazy how fast the days go by. Time literally slips right through your fingers. It is unbelievable how quickly the time moves...

Can you believe it's already Christmas...?

This Christmas I got everything I asked for. But this Christmas has definitely been about a lot more than just gifts. To me, this Christmas has been all about family and friends. I've missed them so much, and it has really dawned on me that this could be my last Christmas with my family. Every single Christmas I've ever had could have been the last one with my family, and because of that I am ever so grateful to have been able to spend the day with my wonderful family.

This is the gift my grandmother gave me for Christmas this year. The front side is the tree of life, and on the back it says: Peace comes from within one's soul. This necklace has so much meaning to me. I absolutely love it & will treasure it as much as I treasure the time I've spent with my family the last 24 hours. 

I am so grateful. 

Have a Merry Christmas, everyone. ♥

xoxo

 -Miranda

17. I am thankful for...

Today I want to talk about another thing I am thankful for.

Free time.

I'm really thankful for free time that I have. I'm usually loaded with homework, just as I am this weekend, as shown in the picture above. Today I had to work a 9-4 shift, and basically from the time I got home, until right now, as I type these words, I've done a whole lot of nothing but blogging, messaging, listening to music, and messing around on facebook, twitter, instagram, timehop, pinterest and the like. I work a lot, and I go to school full time, so free time is pretty scarce. But when I do have some, I grab onto it and relax a little. I'm very thankful for afternoons like this.

Guest Blogger: Ivory Giraffes.

Hello my lovelies! I have your guest blogger, as promised! Here is her post:

I figure you'd want to know a little about the girl whose post you'll be reading today, so how about some generals about me? My name is Hannah and I'm 18. I'm a freshman at Bethel College, which I'm sure you've never heard of {it's near Notre Dame}, studying Music Performance. Piano is my concentration, in case you're a musician and were wondering. I like tea, and cozy sweaters. {Cliche? Maybe. True? Definitely.} I cannot go without painting my nails, and summer is my favorite season. I have the most wonderful boyfriend. His name is Hunter, and we'll have been dating for two years in about a month. I like Audrey Hepburn, reading books by John Green, and listening to Jesse McCartney on occasion. I blog, sporadically recently, at Ivory Giraffes about life, love, and sometimes clothes. Take a peek if you like. Now, onto the nitty gritty. 

I started my first year of college in August. It was scary. I was home schooled for most of my education and the thought of going into college was just terrifying. I wasn't sure if I'd be able to keep up, or if I was even ready for such a big step. I've only been in college for a couple of months, but I feel like there are some big things that I can maybe share to help you as you go into the next phase, the college phase, of your life. 

1) Organize. Organize. Organize.

In high school I was big into my planner. It had every single thing I needed to do for the day written down a full week ahead of time. Since coming to college I haven't used my planner all that much, but I have stayed organized in other various ways. On Saturdays I sit with my syllabi {a.k.a. you're bffl} and write on separate pieces of paper all the assignments due for the week and what day they're due, then I tape them onto my desk. Personally I like doing this better than using my planner. I just like having it all out where I can see it at all times. Then, every day I have written down everything I have to do for the day. Everything from the classes and assignments, to laundry, to practicing piano. Writing things down helps to solidify them into your memory and having everything laid out in front of you helps you to remain on task. Plus, it feels really nice to be able to check things off of your list!

2) Make you time.  

I know it's hard. The tests, the homework, the everything. It gets stressful. But, it's really important to make some purely you time. Even if it's only a half hour, just do something for you. Something that has nothing to do with homework, something that makes you happy. If I do everything I have to do for the day, the next day I get to take a nap. Another thing that I really enjoy doing for me is playing the piano {good thing, huh, being a piano major?}. It's something I find relaxing and it helps me put in some good practice hours. 

3) Bring homey stuff.

This dorm room is your new room. It looks like a jail cell and will remain looking like a jail cell until you change it. Put up posters. Inspirational quotes, song lyrics, whatever floats your boat. The other really helpful thing is bringing things that make it feel like home. Don't just bring that really cute comforter you just bought, bring the quilt that your grandma made you for Christmas when you were seven. Heck, I even have canned pickles that my grandma made for me. It reminds me of home... plus they're delish. 

4) Make the most of everything that is offered to you. 

How many times in your life are you going to be able to have full access to a gym? Or free counseling? Or free tutoring? Maybe not all colleges offer these, but chances are that they offer something that's not usually free. Take advantage of it. And your professors. If you have questions, ask. They're more than happy to help you with something if need be, and it'd be better to ask the question and understand something that never asking the question at all and flunking. 

5) Open yourself up to new experiences and friends. 

Going into college I had the mind set that I was here for college and that was it. I didn't need to make friends, I just needed to study and get good grades. If I had done that, I would have been missing out on so much. You know how everyone says that the friends you make in college will be your friends for life? I can already feel that that's going to be true. Open yourself to the new experiences that new friends offer. For the first time in my life I tried Chinese food {so good!} and found friends, girl friends, who understand and accept me for me. 

College has been one of the best experiences of my life. From the classes, to the friends, to the dorm life. My biggest piece of advice is to make the most of your time at college. Whether you're 20 minutes from home, or six hours. 

Happy Halloween!

Hello my lovelies,

I had a long shift tonight, from 3-10, but when I got out my roommate and I got dressed up and headed out to a Halloween party. I went as a kitty. Tonight I want everyone to be safe, and think first! Halloween is supposed to be fun, so use your heads people! 

My roommate and I. ♥    

I love her ♥. 

Happy Halloween! (o:

only in college.

Hello my lovelies!

Tonight boredom got the best of my roommate and I, so we went to Walmart and bought some goodies.

Only in college do you rationalize foolish things like this. I'm sure in the morning I'll wake with a terrible stomach ache, and I'll regret ever eating over 1600 calories in 15 minutes.

Who am I kidding?! I won't regret it, it was great sister bonding time. (o: Hopefully the extra weight I gain from stupid binges like this will motivate me to exercise and be more healthy.

A nice cup of milk goes great with Oreos.

Cool Whip used as a dip also goes great with Oreos! 

If you ask me, Mint Oreos are the absolute best kind.

Until next time...

xoxo.

a birthday gift.

Hello my lovelies,
Today I plan to have a nice lazy Sunday. I don't have to work, and all my homework is done, so I have nothing to worry about. Garret and I are going out to lunch to China Buffet, and then we're going to hang out around downtown. & yes, if you were wondering...we are back together. I'm looking forward to a relaxing afternoon spent with him.
ALSO: It's one of my friends' birthday today! So my roommate and I decided to go out and get her a birthday present this morning!

We wrapped it up all nice and pretty. (o:

Got her a card and I even decorated the front of it too. (o:

Don't tell anyone, but it's a yoga mat. 

So now her and I can do yoga together!

I'm so excited, hopefully she likes it!

I'll tell you all more about it later!

xoxo

randoms in the afternoon.

Hello everyone,

It's SATURDAY! Finally. I feel like it's been forever since last weekend. The weekends are the only time for a college student to catch up on anything they've been neglecting. I'm almost getting the swing of things, so hopefully I'll be able to blog more often now. Today I just feel like posting a few random pictures that kind of explain what's been on my mind the past couple days. Enjoy (o:

Here I am.

Been thinking a lot about whether or not I should cut my hair.

It would be able this length if I decided to.

Still only just considering it.

Random Fun Fact:

Hobgoblin:

(in mythology and fairy stories) A mischievous imp or sprite. A fearsome mythical creature.

Basically, my Wednesday nights and any time between classes on Thursday go toward studying for the tests I have every week in my Body Systems and Diseases class Thursday at 6:00 pm.

I consider myself VERY lucky. The past like three tests I've barely studied for and have somehow managed to pull off really good grades! Go me!

And last but not least, the only thing that gets me through the week days:

JUNK FOOD.

I know, it's terrible. 

But the night I bought these, before I had gone to bed, I had managed to eat almost the entire bag by myself.

Surprisingly, I've only gained 7 pounds, and not 20.

instabomb.

Hello my lovelies,

Today all I have for you is a nice big instabomb. Just a little overview of the past few days here at NCMC.

My boyfriend came to see me one last time on Monday before leaving for St. Louis, Missouri for a week. He brought me a Pumpkin Cheesecake muffin and a hot chocolate from Big Apple Bagels. Then he walked me to class, gave me a big hug, and kissed me goodbye.

I'll see him again this Saturday.

College life has its ups and downs for sure.

One thing you can always count on to get you through the day is coffee or hot chocolate; both are necessities for surviving the busy college life. 

Another thing going on right now is the whole stupid debate.

Mitt Romney this,

Barack Obama that.

I can't wait for the election to be over with.

Been going to the bank a lot. 

Been eating their suckers every time.

Been eating a lot of bad stuff every day.

It's got to stop.

Trying my best to stay positive.

College is tiring.

Seriously, take a look at my face.

Tired, tired, tired.

I made a few goals last night:

-Be positive

-Tone down the sass

-Less potty mouth

-Eat less, and better

-Spend less money

BAM.

It's gonna happen.

I'll be writing again soon.

xoxoxo.

catching up.

Hello everyone.

Gosh, I know, I know, shoot me now. I'm so horrible. Some big things have happened since I last posted and I didn't even share them on the blog! Honestly, I've had like, no time at all for this thing. It sucks too, because I can already see that finding time once school starts is going to be a pain in the butt. I'll manage though; just because I love this thing so much.

I thought I should share some good news with you.

Last Tuesday I went into town with my little brother, Aaron, and we ventured into MC Sports to get a water bottle (which I love and have been using a lot since I bought it). As we were checking out, something was wrong with some guy's card a couple people in front of us, which made us all have to wait a little longer. It's a good thing too! Aaron looked over and he saw this big sign that said they were hiring. So when we finally got up to the cashier, I asked for an application. When I got home, I filled it out, and then Thursday, two days later, I handed it in on my way to pay for my housing fees. In less than an hour, the guy I had talked to in the store gave me a call to set up a time for an interview. I called him back and had an interview the next day (Friday). I am so happy that it went as well as it did. I am praying I get the job. The location and the things I'd be doing there, along with the small number of hours I'd be working would be perfect for me.

The other big thing that's happened is that I paid off all my housing fees. A whopping $2074.50 which left me with absolutely no money, but it's all out of the way and I didn't have to sign up for a payment plan or take out any sort of loan. Paying it off put me in the clear to move in yesterday. I got up at 6:45 a.m. and got ready to leave, then I loaded up the very last of the things in my room into my car, and I was off to meet my mother at the Carp Lake Store. She followed me to Petoskey where we checked in, and I got my keys and my card, and then we backed my car up to the building and unloaded everything into my room, which is *thankfully* on the first floor! After she left I had time to put everything away and get everything organized. I even met a few people. Everyone was really nice, and I had a lot of fun. After Jasmine (my roommate) and I were finished with out room, we took off to Walmart to buy some food. When we finished there, we drove back to the dorms, dropped our things off, and I went out to my grandma's house for my Aunt Sandi's 50th birthday celebration. We all had spaghetti and meatballs, watermelon, and cake and ice cream. I had a really nice time. After I arrived back at the dorms from my grandma's house, I finished putting up the last of my wall decorations and hung out with Jasmine and some new people I met up until it was time for bed, at like, 2:00 in the morning.

So. Now that you're all caught up on that, we can continue to move forward with all my new college experiences and anything else that might be of interest to me in the forthcoming months.

I have a special post coming just for college students freshly moving into their dorm room. So, be on the lookout for that!

it's [finally] over.

Hi there everyone.

Today was my last day of work at the Dixie Saloon and it was a good day. Compared to what I thought it was going to be, anyways. 

Let me just say this: it has been a loooong journey since my first day there. 

So much has happened since then.

I'm happy to say that it is finally over though. It was pretty busy since it was a Saturday night, and also due to the corvette show, in part. When it's busy the time goes by much quicker though, so I didn't mind. At the end of the night, just as I was about to clock out, I was held down and sprayed with an entire can of whipped cream. It was a great way to end my last day working with some really awesome people.

The front view of my sticky self. (o:

And my back which was covered. 

Now, if only you could have seen the floor, haha.

So, now I'm looking forward to a few different things this coming week.

Sunday (tomorrow): Motorcycle ride with my daddy to somewhere special.

Monday: Hanging out at home until tutoring the girls from 4:00 p.m. to 6:00 p.m.

Tuesday: Shopping with my little brother for the last of my college supplies and for his school supplies.

Wednesday: Reading Fifty Shades Freed (the third, and final book of the trilogy) then tutoring at 4:00.

Thursday: Spending the entire day with my boyfriend at good old Sturgeon Bay.

Friday: Packing the rest of my belongings and clothes.

Saturday: Moving into the dorms, and starting a brand new life. Dinner with grandma at 5:00 also.

So, it's safe to say I've got a rather productive week ahead of me. I'm very excited!

Have a good night!

University VS. Community College.

Hello everyone,
A lot has been on my mind lately. All of which has much to do with college, adult life, and the like. As you may already know, I will be moving into the dorms in just 13 short days. At the end of this coming week, on the 25th, I will officially no longer be employed at The Dixie Saloon. I'll have one week after that to pack up my things, buy whatever else I may need, and find another job near the college. After that, it's the busy, busy, go-no-stop college life for me.
All of this is happening really fast, and thinking about all that I must do, and all that is to come is somewhat overwhelming. What's more overwhelming is the feeling I get while anticipating the response of those who I have just told 'I am choosing to go to community college over a university.' So today I'd like to clear a few things up.

First and foremost: I am very happy for all the people that are traveling far away and going to big universities. In fact, my very best friend is one of those people. She is very smart, and talented, and she is going to do so many good things in her life. She is very excited to be going to a university, and I am excited for her. I am by no means trying to bash people who are choosing to go to big colleges far from home. This is because choosing a college is a very personal thing, and we are all very different individuals, so it would only make sense that some of us will stay, and some will go. What I want people to understand is that, if I choose not to talk bad about their choice to go to college far from home, because it makes them happy, they should not choose to talk bad about my choice to go to community college, which happens to be close to home, because it makes me happy.
That being said, I'd like to address a few of the comments that have been made about my decision, and refute them in my defense. The comments go something like this:

"A person experiences new things when they go to a college that is far from their home town."
That may be true, however, I am here to tell you that you don't have to run from everything you know to experience new things. I am sorry for the people who cannot open their hearts and their minds enough to experience new things close to home. There are tons of new people and things to do in even the smallest of towns. You'll never know every person in the town you live in. Don't think for one second that I will not experience anything new in the years I attend a community college. I am not a small minded person, and I can guarantee that I will experience new things; you don't have to live 200+ miles from home to do so. All you have to do is have an open mind. *I should also say, I understand that you will experience things far from home. It will be easy to experience new things because everything is new: the people, places, and everything else. There is so much to experience in a new place, however, that does not mean that there is nothing to experience in an old place.*

"People who attend universities learn a lot more than people who go to community college."
If you know anything about college, you know that the first couple years are all basic classes anyways. You take the same thing no matter where you go. 10 years from now when we have all graduated from college, people will look at us all the same. I don't know if anyone ever told you, but no one cares how far you travel from home to get a college education. It doesn't matter what school you went to, what matters is what you did while you were there- no matter where you went. You can go to the best school in the world, and when you are compared to someone who went to a community college, it only matters how well you did while you were there, not where you went. I plan to use my resources, not waste my time, and apply myself at the community college I have chosen so that I can be sure I will learn all that there is to offer. You only learn less at a community college if you are unintelligible enough to believe that there is less to learn. *I should also say, It may be true that universities offer a large variety of classes, and may have some that community colleges do not have, but that does not mean that community college is no good. There are many classes that universities offer that are useless toward a degree. Fortunately for me, the community college I have chosen offers the classes I need for my degree. So, saying that you learn less in community college is not true. Depending on what you need to learn for your career path, community college may teach you all that you need to learn, whereas in a university you may be paying to learn things that you don't need to know. Its not about how much you can learn, its about how much you need to learn.*

"You're go to community college and you think you're saving money,  ohh you're superior to me."
Here's the thing, you can mock me all you want, but I don't 'think' I'm saving money, I know I am, because little do you know, I actually had everything ready for me to go to a university. I had my housing deposit paid, my orientation date set, my roommate picked out, and had already viewed the campus and made up my mind that GVSU was the right college for me. However, after a lot of consideration, my mind was changed because of the debt I would be in if I chose to go there for a full four year term. Just one year would have costed me over 22,000 dollars, whereas, here at North Central Michigan College, the community college I've chosen, I will only be expected to pay about 6,000 for one year. The difference is incredible. So, in response to your little comment about me being 'superior' to you, I may not be superior because I am saving money, but I am superior because I CHOSE to save that money, which is what makes the real difference between you and I. I know how to be responsible with my money, I know what kind of future I want for myself (a debt-free one), and I know how to make hard decisions that don't always favor the most pleasant option. So, go ahead, continue to mock me. Think what you like, but when you're thousands of dollars in debt because you picked the more favorable option to be cool, we'll see how you're managing things with your life 20 years down the road. *I should also say, if you are going to a university and you have the funds to do so without being in debt, good for you! I'm not saying that everyone who goes to a university will be in debt. I am referring to those who are being foolish with their money and are mocking me for being smart with mine. If I had the funds, I would go to a university too, however, that isn't in the books for me.*

"I just want to get away from this small town and see what else is out there."
Do you really think that because I am choosing to go to community college that that means I don't want to see the rest of the world as well? Of course I'd love to move to a big city and see things I've never seen before. The problem is, by doing so, I'll never have any money to go see anything else. It is unfortunate that people who wish only to go to a university far from home for the sole purpose of getting out of their home town cannot find beauty and peace with their current surroundings. I don't have to run from everything I've ever known to see new things. There is so much already here that is overlooked. *I should also say, getting away from this town would be great. Everyone deserves a break, but you should never run from your problems or your past (not that that's what people who are going to universities are doing) but in general, trying to start over is sometimes not possible when there is so much unfinished business holding one back from starting out fresh. If you are in the clear, though, go for it, explore the world; there is plenty to see.*

Before I close this post I want to point out a few more things:
If you are a person who has chosen the university college life, I am sincerely happy for you. As I mentioned above, everyone has their own reasons for staying or going, and choosing is a very personal thing. I am by no means placing every person who has gone to a university, or who plans to go to a university, in the same category. My responses to these comments are only to the people who have made it a point to make me feel as though I am making the wrong choice by going to community college. My reasons for going to community college are about family, unfinished business, money, and personal wishes. All very personal things. So, if you are going to a university, or community college, and you are happy with your choice and understand that others are happy with their choice, then my responses to these comments have nothing to do with you. I am only addressing the people who seem to misunderstand what community college means to me, and the reasons I have made the choice I have.

No matter where you're going, congratulations to you, and good luck with your future endeavors.

Oh, and by the way, I got a hair cut yesterday. 3 inches off.

"it's a shame about the weather...

Hello my lovelies.

I know it's been about five days since I last posted. I've been very sick the past two weeks and between work and trying to kick two infections, I'm exhausted. But I have a few pictures for you that cover what I've done over the course of the last few days. Enjoy! (o:

After Garret and my break up I've begun to see everything differently.

This was my very interesting horoscope I had the other day.

It fits my thoughts and the situation I'm in perfectly.

I don't put much faith in horoscopes though.

Just thought it was humorous.

The past five days have been full of work work work.

It's basically all I ever do. But that's very okay. 

I need money anyways so bring it on.

It does get stressful, however,

some people are very kind.

like the girl who left this.

I've also been doing a lot of this lately. Just chillin' out with my little dog in bed.

Because I've been so sick lately I have to use any free time I have to rest.

Being awake all night and vomiting makes for a great reason to sleep in.

Little Cody dog doesn't mind me sleeping in. He enjoys it too.

We both need our beauty sleep ;o)

I've also had a lot of college stuff going on. A friend of mine convinced me of something.

So, now I have put in my housing application for the dorms at the college.

So instead of living at home, I'll be paying a little extra to be close.

Close to class, and people, and friends, and town, and work.

And everything else. I'm very excited. 

This is everything I'll have to take.

BEFORE the nursing program.

I know, right? Yikes..

And this is me today, feeling 100% better than yesterday, but not 100% well just yet.

Canoe trip starting today, and we're about to head four hours away shortly here.

BUT, before I go. Here's a nice list I stole from my cousin over at Ivory Giraffes. (o:

Before I go, I want to share with you that I am currently,

Loving work on a Thursday night because I get to listen to Cedar Straits lead singer, Will Springsteen, who I love to drool over. Someday he'll be mine. ;o)

Reading Fifty Shades Darker, the second of the Fifty Shades trilogy, and it is so so so so good and I'll probably finish it on our way down state today and start the last book.

Watching the days go by. Summer is nearly over and it doesn't even feel like it has barely started! I can't believe it. Yes, take a quick glance at the calendar...Your mind has officially been blown.

Thinking About when I should get a hold of the business office at the college so I can pay my housing fee. Also thinking about the awesome weekend I'm about to have. And which flavor of ice cream I'd be if I could because facebook just asked me.

Anticipating living in the dorms with some of my best friends because it is going to be a fricken blast. I'm gonna have to pack up all my stuff really soon. Oh joy, all over again.

Listening to Colder Weather by Zac Brown band. Only because Cedar Straits sang it so well last night.

Working on compiling a list of all the things I need to buy and pack for my dorm! I am so excited. Only 25 more days!! ((o:

Wishing I knew if I could let Captain Ahab catch his White Wale.

...but I know soon we'll be together, and I can't wait till then..."

as of late...

Good afternoon lovelies,

I'm probably in one of the crappiest moods ever today. Not even just today, I can't lie anymore, I have to be honest with someone about how I'm currently feeling. I hate growing up. End of story.

I can't even blog regularly like I was able to during the school year, because I work too much now.

And when I'm not at work, I'm at 'home' dealing with a bunch of bs.

And 'home' isn't even home.

Which is why I'm moving back.

There. I said it.

Decision made.

I had to go to the college to get some things for my financial aid straightened out.

And afterwards, I went to Big Apple Bagels for a Cinnamon Crumb Cake muffin and some hot chocolate.

I was hoping it would make me feel better.

But as I sat there, 

sipping my hot chocolate,

picking at my muffin,

and feeling 

sorry

for myself,

I realized something.

I don't have to do anything

that I don't want to.

And I'm not going to. So I'm coming home.

I don't care what any one says about me. Sometimes you have to do what's best for you. And I think it is.

So I went to work, and I had a crappy night. 

But when I got home, 

I took a long hot shower.

I had a nice cold drink,

And I went to bed.

And when I woke up, I got ready.

And I thought about all the things that I can change.

And now,

I'm changing them. 

One at a time.

Because I dont have to do anything I don't want to.

And because this life is about me.

Not anyone 

else.