"it's a shame about the weather...

Hello my lovelies.

I know it's been about five days since I last posted. I've been very sick the past two weeks and between work and trying to kick two infections, I'm exhausted. But I have a few pictures for you that cover what I've done over the course of the last few days. Enjoy! (o:

After Garret and my break up I've begun to see everything differently.

This was my very interesting horoscope I had the other day.

It fits my thoughts and the situation I'm in perfectly.

I don't put much faith in horoscopes though.

Just thought it was humorous.

The past five days have been full of work work work.

It's basically all I ever do. But that's very okay. 

I need money anyways so bring it on.

It does get stressful, however,

some people are very kind.

like the girl who left this.

I've also been doing a lot of this lately. Just chillin' out with my little dog in bed.

Because I've been so sick lately I have to use any free time I have to rest.

Being awake all night and vomiting makes for a great reason to sleep in.

Little Cody dog doesn't mind me sleeping in. He enjoys it too.

We both need our beauty sleep ;o)

I've also had a lot of college stuff going on. A friend of mine convinced me of something.

So, now I have put in my housing application for the dorms at the college.

So instead of living at home, I'll be paying a little extra to be close.

Close to class, and people, and friends, and town, and work.

And everything else. I'm very excited. 

This is everything I'll have to take.

BEFORE the nursing program.

I know, right? Yikes..

And this is me today, feeling 100% better than yesterday, but not 100% well just yet.

Canoe trip starting today, and we're about to head four hours away shortly here.

BUT, before I go. Here's a nice list I stole from my cousin over at Ivory Giraffes. (o:

Before I go, I want to share with you that I am currently,

Loving work on a Thursday night because I get to listen to Cedar Straits lead singer, Will Springsteen, who I love to drool over. Someday he'll be mine. ;o)

Reading Fifty Shades Darker, the second of the Fifty Shades trilogy, and it is so so so so good and I'll probably finish it on our way down state today and start the last book.

Watching the days go by. Summer is nearly over and it doesn't even feel like it has barely started! I can't believe it. Yes, take a quick glance at the calendar...Your mind has officially been blown.

Thinking About when I should get a hold of the business office at the college so I can pay my housing fee. Also thinking about the awesome weekend I'm about to have. And which flavor of ice cream I'd be if I could because facebook just asked me.

Anticipating living in the dorms with some of my best friends because it is going to be a fricken blast. I'm gonna have to pack up all my stuff really soon. Oh joy, all over again.

Listening to Colder Weather by Zac Brown band. Only because Cedar Straits sang it so well last night.

Working on compiling a list of all the things I need to buy and pack for my dorm! I am so excited. Only 25 more days!! ((o:

Wishing I knew if I could let Captain Ahab catch his White Wale.

...but I know soon we'll be together, and I can't wait till then..."

it's official...

Hello everyone,

I have big big big news for you.

*inhale deeply*

Garret and I, we're over.

*exhale slowly*

Yes, it's true. I know, I know, its crazy, and its very hard to wrap your head around.

Oh trust me. I know it is.

But it's the truth. And we all have to find a way to accept it.

No matter how much it hurts us.

Now, that being said, I have a few more truths to add before I close this post.

1. It was my choice.

2. I have cried every night since then.

3. I miss him terribly.

4. I worry more about him than myself.

5. I did it for the better.

6. My life is not over; but has just begun.

7. I'm afraid I'll be alone forever.

8. Right now I'm sick to my stomach sad.

9. But I have hope for the future.

10. & I'll be okay, eventually.

So, if you'll allow me to finish my ice cream now, I'm going to have to have quite a few more servings before this pain goes away. To be honest, all the ice cream in the world might not even be able to fix my heart. But that doesn't mean I can't try. And If it doesn't work, well, I'll go back to him, I suppose.

It sucks. And the more I think about it the more sad I get. But I'm happy it happened too.

Because now I have a chance to be my own person.

I can finally break free, and reach out, and explore a little.

I will finally be able to figure out who I am, and who I want to be.

And I will finally be given the opportunity to become that person.

On my own.

Even though I'm really sad this had to happen, I know I had no more chances to give.

It was just time. I can accept that some things can't be fixed.

I'm hopeful for my future.

I know I have so much potential and I don't plan on wasting any of it.

I don't have to settle for anything.

And I'm not going to.

Just one more big girl lesson I've learned.

Many more to come, I'm sure.

as of late...

Good afternoon lovelies,

I'm probably in one of the crappiest moods ever today. Not even just today, I can't lie anymore, I have to be honest with someone about how I'm currently feeling. I hate growing up. End of story.

I can't even blog regularly like I was able to during the school year, because I work too much now.

And when I'm not at work, I'm at 'home' dealing with a bunch of bs.

And 'home' isn't even home.

Which is why I'm moving back.

There. I said it.

Decision made.

I had to go to the college to get some things for my financial aid straightened out.

And afterwards, I went to Big Apple Bagels for a Cinnamon Crumb Cake muffin and some hot chocolate.

I was hoping it would make me feel better.

But as I sat there, 

sipping my hot chocolate,

picking at my muffin,

and feeling 

sorry

for myself,

I realized something.

I don't have to do anything

that I don't want to.

And I'm not going to. So I'm coming home.

I don't care what any one says about me. Sometimes you have to do what's best for you. And I think it is.

So I went to work, and I had a crappy night. 

But when I got home, 

I took a long hot shower.

I had a nice cold drink,

And I went to bed.

And when I woke up, I got ready.

And I thought about all the things that I can change.

And now,

I'm changing them. 

One at a time.

Because I dont have to do anything I don't want to.

And because this life is about me.

Not anyone 

else.

settling in.

Good afternoon everyone!
Now that everything is put away and organized (for the most part) I have a couple minutes to write up a quick post! For one, I should tell you about how the move went.
It was awful.
Every bit of it. It was stressful, nothing went as planned, I was rushed and the whole thing was a big mess. But that's okay, because it's over now, and everything is all put away, and I'm still alive. So, we're good. The worst part of moving was loading my car. I could not get my desk and shelf to fit so I ended up slicing up the inside of my car, and bruising my legs and arms. It literally got to the point where I just sat by myself in the driveway and cried for a while. I was tired, in pain, hungry, strapped for time; I just needed a break.

But now that we're finally here, and I have a space for the things I must have, everything is much better. I have my little haven, and our bedroom is decent (not very big but my room wasn't big either) so I'll be able to live; and relax a little...

At least until I have to go to work that is. This coming week, I don't even get a day off. But that's okay. I'll take 43 hours worth of work. No biggie.

And in my free time, I'll be reading the second of the Fifty Shades books. Which I bought a couple days ago. I do highly recommend the first one. It is very good.

Hopefully I'll be able to post again soon.

I'm so thankful that we have internet already. (o:

baby birdy finally flies.

Hello my lovelies.
I thought I should let you all know that I am finally moving. I was very pleased when I got a phone call from a close friend who had just recently moved in with her boyfriend to a small two bedroom apartment five miles out of Alanson and just two miles from Petoskey. She called to ask if Garret and I would like to move into the neighboring bedroom and become roommates. We gladly accepted the offer and arranged plans to get our things moved in. Tomorrow is the big day. Tomorrow this little bird is finally jumping from the nest, and spreading her wings.

The search has not ended, however. We will not be living with them for the entire school year. Only until we are able to find a place of our own, however, we are in no hurry now. This will be easier for the four of us freshly starting out adults. I'm excited for the good times to come, and even for the challenges. They have already started, and I haven't even loaded my car yet. I'm saving that for tomorrow morning.

Packing was so emotional for me. My parents have told me that I can stay here at home for as long as I need. If I'm in college, I will not have to pay rent, and if I am ever not working to further my education, I must pay to stay here. Because I can stay, but am choosing to go, I can leave some of my stuff in my room when I go. Yesterday was so hard because I had to go through everything in my room and really think about what I should take, what I want to take, and what I will need to take. I realized as I was going through my things that we hide from ourselves so much that is in plain sight. It was quite a realization. And as certain things found their way into my hands, certain memories found their way into my mind. I could no longer put off thinking about things that I have buried in my room. Packing was so emotional for me.

I managed to get everything all packed up though, and luckily all I have to do is work tonight and then hopefully get some sleep without all the excitement keeping me awake. The tomorrow morning I make the hour journey and will have some time to unpack my things before I take off for tutoring at 2:00 p.m. and work at 4:00 p.m.

This is all the clothing I am planning to bring. (also one small basket that needs washing)

I know it isn't much, but I hope that when I leave I'll realize I need something...

Then I'll have to come home at some point to get it.

I hope I miss my parents.

I hope they miss me.

And these are the things I am bringing. In addition to one other box about the same size as the one pictured and a couple bags. I also plan to bring my book shelf (the books are in the other box) and my desk.

I'll keep you all updated on the move.

Since I know how much you care (o:

4321...

...South Shore Drive is the address of the place Garret and I will *hopefully* be moving into at the end of August. We viewed the apartment Monday afternoon and it is just the cutest little thing.

This is a picture of the outside of the building. Like I said, the cutest little thing. What it is, is a building that was foreclosed and someone decided to turn it into a few one bedroom units for rent. They are all remodeled so everything is brand new.

 This is a view of part of the bedroom and bathroom from inside the bedroom.

This is a view of the kitchen from inside the living room. The door on the right is the bedroom door and the bathroom is inside the bedroom.

This is the view of the living room from standing in the kitchen.

The whole apartment is really adorable. And the price is just as nice. Only 550 per month and all utilities except for electricity are included. It's been 10 days since we put in our applications. So, eventually he should be calling us to let us know when we can move in! Keep your fingers crossed, and our names in your prayers. We need this more than anything right now.

breakwall!

Hello my lovelies,

Yesterday was an amazing day for me. I got to hang out with my best friend in the whole world for the majority of the afternoon. We met at good old Buffalo Wild Wings (no surprise there right?) and we had a nice lunch and were able to chat a little and catch up on what's been going on in the past few weeks. After that we walked around town for a while and went in some different stores. Just checking random stuff out and enjoying the wonderful sunshine. Before you quit reading, you must read my awesome story which is written under the fourth picture. (o:

A little later we headed down to the breakwall to meet some new people and to have some summer fun. That's what the breakwall is known best for. You can go down there and see people you've never even met before and be pretty good friends by the time you leave. Yesterday we met a kid named Damian. He was pretty cool.

It was not my intention to jump in, however, I brought my bathing suit anyways. I really wanted to just chill out and then go to the college to fill out some paperwork that I had. Of course, Carly made me put it on, and before I knew it she was working on convincing me to jump in with her.

Eventually she convinced me to jump in. It was super scary as I haven't done it since I was in like 9th grade. It was refreshing though. And I'm very glad I got the chance to do it with her because I never know when I'm gonna see her again, mostly because after the middle of August she might be gone forever. College will do that to you. Suck you away and never let you come back...

So after we left the breakwall we went over to 7/11 to get slurpees. Now. Here is the most awesome story in the world for all of you who have continued reading thus far. Carly and I walk in, both drenched from head to toe. We go back behind the  counter area to make our slurpees. I take forever, of course. I can never decide which flavors I want or if I should mix them. Carly hurried along and got what she wanted and payed for it. She was waiting for me at the door as I stood in line behind two good looking guys who were probably in their early twenties. 

The cashier asks the guys, "is that all for you then?" 

The guy in front turns and points at me as he says, "Yeah, and that girl's slurpee."

Now all I could manage to get out of my mouth was, " For real?!"

And sure as shit. I walked out of there with a red face and a slurpee that some random guy paid for.

Awesome.

So, I went home and was pretty bored. After dinner I got out some magazines and started leafing through them looking for different recipes. I found enough to fill almost an entire journal I have but never used. When I was finished I was so proud of my little recipe book I crafted all on my own. You should make one too! It's a totally awesome way to spend a few hours doing some arts and crafts, and then when you're done, you have a whole book full of recipes to try. I'm pumped. You can bet that when I move out and start trying these puppies out they'll be featured on the blog...depending on how it goes.

But anyways, I have to work at four and I'm supposed to meet a few friends at the beach before then, so I gotta fly! Have a happy Friday!

Things I'm Afraid To Tell You.

I'm afraid to tell you that...

1.] I'm afraid to listen. Even though it might be best.

We've been together for so long. And I love you so much. Sometimes it just seems to everyone around me that I would be so much better off on my own; alone. I think sometimes that all of that negative thinking puts me in a mood, and then I start thinking the same way. Because of this, it is very difficult for me to ever know if my thinking is actually my own, or just my understanding of someone else's. They tell me things that hurt. No one wants to listen to that kind of thing. But at the same time, no family of mine would tell me that kind of thing unless they meant it, and they were looking out for me; trying to get me to realize what is truly best for me. My life is my own. So do not think for one second that I will let others lead me around and tell me what doors I should and should not open. I will make my own choices. It's just that I've looked back and thought to myself, why didn't I listen to my dad then? I would not like to look back five years from now and think to myself, why didn't I listen to my dad then? Especially if I can prevent it. It's a hard choice to make. I'm afraid to tell you that I may have to listen, after all. Only time will tell. Please don't let me listen to them.

2.] Prince charming has disappeared, but to where?

You promised. You said you'd do anything for me. But I keep asking, and you won't. I'm afraid to tell you, but I want things to be how they used to be. I want to feel happy again. I want to have a crush on you again. I want you to act like you did in the beginning. Before we knew we were in love. I want you to touch me like you used to: gently, cautiously, sweetly, needfully, and curiously. I want you to take my breath away. I want you to wrap me up in your arms and do something you only see in the movies. For me, all for me. Make me feel special, because you love me. You still love me, right? I need you to make me remember what it felt like. I'm afraid to tell you, but I will only ask so many more times. If you can't give me what I need, you force me to move forward; without you. Please don't let me move on.

3.] I worry that I need more than you can give me.

I need so much from you. I need you to remind me everyday that you love me. I need you to tell me. Even if I already know it, I still need to hear it. I need you to hold my hand, intertwining your fingers in mine; squeeze my hand gently to let me know you're there. Hug me when you see me and tell me how beautiful I am, even if I already know that's what you're thinking. Tuck me in, tell me goodnight, and kiss my forehead at the end of the day before you shut the door quietly and walk out to your car. Send me a sweet message before I wake up. Write on my facebook wall when you miss me. Act silly with me, because that's what best friends do. Take me on adventures, I don't care if they're near or far, spectacular or not, I want you to excite me. Surprise me, doesn't have to be anything amazing, but something unexpected, no matter what it is, it would do wonders. Dance with me, in the living room, the street, the sand at the beach. It doesn't matter where. Hold me, when I'm fine, when I'm not, whenever, all the time. Laugh with me, enjoy my company, listen to my terrible singing. Accept my stupid habits, no matter how dumb they are, no matter how much they annoy you. They're a part of me. Love my flaws, because they are a part of who I am as well. Trust me, because I deserve it. Listen to me because I want to tell you all about everything that I possibly can. Try things for me, even things you don't like, who knows, if you try you might learn something new. Be with me, become part of me. Be my best friend; the one I'm not afraid to let loose with. Love me; like no one else can. Remind me that you are my soul mate. My one and only. I'm afraid to tell you that I need these things, and you give me almost all of them about 50% of the time. Which is great, but I don't want to lose that spark. It's up to you to keep our fire burning. You promised you'd do anything. You promised. Keep your promise.

And most of all...

4.] I'm afraid to tell you that I will do whatever it takes.

That means with or without you. I am not supposed to find someone I can live with, but someone I cannot live without. I will do it. I'm convinced it's you. But if I ever feel that it isn't, don't think that I will hesitate to set out to find that person. You're wonderful, you really are. I truly love you with all of my heart. I probably will no matter what. No matter what happens. You will forever take up a huge place in my heart. I will do whatever it takes to stay with you. Everything in my power. I promise. All you have to do is keep your promises, don't let me believe what anyone else says about us, and do everything in your power to keep me satisfied with your never ending love for me. Everything will be fine. I love you. ♥

So very much my dear Garret.♥ 

how far until we reach the breaking point?

Good afternoon my lovely readers!
I cannot lie, the past few days have been extremely frustrating days. I never knew how much effort it took to get ahold of people to view the places they are trying to rent out. Garret and I have tried 4 different places, and as of yet, we've only been able to view 1. We did that yesterday. She told us to meet her there at 11:30 and we were there ten minutes early. Then I got an email from her saying that she'd be late and could make 12:00 instead. So we went to subway and came back and she showed the two apartments to us.
I think we had our hopes up. I think we were expecting something a little different. Okay, a LOT different. The first place she showed us, well it was a dump. The second place was a little better, and it was down stairs so that was good, but there wasn't really a whole lot of living space. I mean, this little apartment was probably not even the size of my bedroom, my brothers bedroom and our bathroom put together. After we looked at it she gave us applications, and told us that we would have to pay 475 deposit and 475 for first months rent if we wanted the bigger, downstairs one. That wouldn't be a problem for us.
I could make it work. I'm not used to living in a big nice house as it is. It was small, but it was cheap. And I don't plan on being home much anyways. Why pay a lot more for a place that I'll have to work twice as much to live in, when I'll only be there to sleep? The way my college schedule is looking right now, I'm not entirely sure I can work enough to pay for anything more than around 500 per month. I could definitely make this place work. But Garret, on the other hand, was not having it. That frustrated me a little. But, I do understand where he is coming from. We should look more before we just jump right in. Who knows, we might find something just as cheap that is a lot nicer.
Other frustrating things that have happened to me this week involve my work schedule. I have been promised 40 hours a week for my 'full-time' job as a sales associate at Hush Puppies, however, I have been lucky to get 25 so far. I work part time at The Dixie, just on Fridays and Saturdays to make up for the hours I'm not getting at Hush Puppies. The silly thing is that if this continues, I may as well work full time at The Dixie and continue this part time bologna at Hush Puppies. I like it much better at the Dixie anyways. One super wonderful thing that has happened though, is that my old boss has asked me to tutor her girls this summer. So, starting next week I will be a part time sales associate at Hush Puppies, a full time hostess at The Dixie, and a summer tutor for two pre-school aged girls! Aren't they adorable?

 I really have my work cut out for me. Working three jobs, moving into a new apartment eventually, and trying to enjoy a little bit of my summer all at the same time. We'll see when we reach the breaking point. I can only keep it under control and handle the stress for some time...

the search has begun.

Hello everyone,
I've spent some time away from the blog the past few days working and searching the newspaper and craigslist daily, looking for a place to rent. The other day, (Thursday I believe?) I found someone who was looking to rent a one bedroom apartment for $490 every month right in Petoskey, just about 5 minutes away from the college my boyfriend and I will be attending in the fall. I called and called and called and called and no one answered. I kept trying for the next couple days, and still no response. Even right now there is still no response. So, last night, I was extremely frustrated with whoever posted the ad. I decided to get on Craigslist again and try looking for something different. You would never believe the kind of luck I had!
I was able to find an apartment complex where the one bedroom units are going for $425 a month and it is located in Conway, 9.5 miles from the college. Right away I emailed the person, just 30 minutes after they posted the ad, and this morning when I woke up, I had a response! Garret and I are going to look at it this Monday sometime in the morning. I am so very excited.
For some reason, I've been thinking that this whole situation came about and played out this way so far all because it was supposed to. We found the awesome deal for $490, but no one replied or answered our calls, however, because we didn't get discouraged, and we kept our eyes open and our heads up, we found an even better deal, and a person who actually responds! God is surely looking out for us.
I know this is a terrible picture, but this is the only one I have; Google Maps has provided it for us. But don't worry, Monday I will have many pictures to show you. Keep praying, and continue to cross your fingers for us. We really need to move as soon as possible. The sooner we do, the sooner my bedroom is available at home for my step mom to use when she starts foster care for children downstate who are relation to her and in need of fit parents. I'll keep you all up to date with the moving situation! I'm sooo excited!!