Happiness is a matter of perception.

I'm sitting here in the college cafeteria. My headphones are drowning out the chattering of each neighboring table with the sound of Taylor Swift's voice. She sings about a beautiful magic love affair, a sad beautiful tragic one. In this moment I'm wondering how two things can be completely opposite yet the same all at one time. Suddenly I'm drawing parallels to my own life.

Here I am.
Watching. Waiting. Eating. Breathing.
Both eyes moving together.
One minute after another.

One mouthful of food at a time.
One breath after the next...

And to everyone in this room I probably seem to be living a rather simple life. Just watching, waiting, eating, and breathing. I suppose that is probably true. I am just watching, waiting, eating and breathing right now. But it feels like I'm doing so much more. I am living simply. But I have a severely complex schedule, which my life is based on from day to day.
I wake, shower, eat, ready myself for the day, drive either to work, or college (sometimes both), I run my department during each 10 hour shift, I go from class to class and then from student to student as I am a tutor, and when the day is done and my time is used up, I go home. I do homework, eat, ready myself for sleep, and my body shuts off for anywhere from 5-9 hours. I shouldn't make myself sound like a robot. But, I feel like one.

I feel like a confused robot. Like my life is just a long list of things to do, places to go, people to see. I think I understand what it means to feel completely opposing feelings at the same time.
Let me explain:

I'm happy because I'm making progress, and I'm getting somewhere. Slowly, but surely. There's a lot that I'm thankful for. I have a great family, decent friends, an extraordinary boyfriend. I'm smart, and beautiful. I'm not in any debt, and I recently bought myself a reliable vehicle, which I love. I have a full time job, and a part time one, and I have the privilege to tutor other students. I'm not struggling financially, as I work hard to pay for the things I have. I'm healthy, and striving. What more could a person ask for? I'm married to my life, and we have a beautiful magic love affair.

The problem is, I'm terribly sad at the same time. And no one seems to understand why. I honestly can't tell you how many times I have heard the following words:

"You have so much to look forward to in the future."

"It won't be like this forever."

"Someday you're going to look back and be happy that you did this."

"You can do it, you're so smart."

"You're so lucky."

Ah. The last two are my favorites. They think I'm lucky. They think I'm smart. Yes. That must be what this misery is. It's all luck. It's all because I'm smart.

When I hear this from people I want to grab them by the throat and choke slam them into the ground (sorry for the violence, but it's true). The consequence of my hard work, and responsible decision making is not luck. And where I am today is not just because I am smart. There is a difference between smart people and hardworking people- and I can tell you right now, that if I was smart, I would not struggle like I do.

Anyways, back to no one understanding my sadness: A few days ago I came home from work. I got up at 6:45 am, showered, and arrived to work at 8:00 am. After 10 hours I returned home to find the lights off, boyfriend sitting on the couch, controller in hand, gun fire noises filling the room. I can hardly explain what I was feeling at that moment. I was irritated. Enraged. Livid. Upset. Sad. Confused. In that order too. All within the first few seconds of walking in the door. I sat at the table, trying to collect myself, and to figure out what I ought to do. Jared came up behind me and whispered, "You've not said 10 words since you've been in the door. What's wrong?" Before I knew it nonchalant insults were flying out left and right. Jared's blood was beginning to boil, so I did I all I knew how. We stood holding eachother for at least 10 minutes before either of us said a word. 

Jared's voice came over smooth and cool, "What's wrong, honey."  

I sobbed, "I don't want to stand up any more," and I immediately crumpled to the floor.

I think we layed on the living room floor for another 20 minutes, just holding onto oneanother, not saying anything. Finally I broke the silence with the best explanation I knew to give.

"You have to understand how it feels to wake up every day knowing that in the next 24 hours, everything you do is going to be a check off the never ending, reoccurring list of things to do that you really would rather not do. It starts to really take a toll on you when you're constantly working toward a goal which gives no feeling of accomplishment until the very last time you have to go through the motions. It makes it seem unattainable, and because of that, everything you have to do that you don't want to do seems useless. Eventually you become more and more miserable, and your misery seems to be the product of useless actions that will never bring you any closer to accomplishing your goal."

He listened patiently.

My voice was muffled by his chest. "Sometimes I just want to give up."

I felt his hand begin to rub circles into my back. His soft lips kissed my forehead. 

"I'm sad because there is nothing I am doing today, or any day, that I want to do. I haven't been able to do the things I want to do in so long. What is the purpose of having your own life if it is not to do what you want to do with it each and every day?"

"What do you want to do?" He asked.

I stared blankly at the wall directly across from us. It occured to me that no one had ever asked me this question before. I have always taken the reigns and done whatever is in my best interest, whether I want to do it or not.

 The question repeated itself again and again in my mind. What do I want to do?

"Well?" He urged me to answer.

"I want to be happy," I said quietly.

Jared looked me straight in the face and said, "Then be happy. Just be happy." 

Suddenly it was just that simple. Being happy is not what happens when you do certain things. Being happy does not have to be the result of what you do in a day. Being happy is having a positive state of mind. It is not worrying about what was or what will be, but rather what is. Being happy is taking things day by day. One foot in front of the other. Being happy is taking things one second at a time, for however long it takes. It is taking the good and the bad together, and making the best of things. Afterall, you can't have one without the other. Being happy is embracing the dualities in our lives and choosing to put more energy into the good parts than the bad.

So, in the next few days, when work and school combined with everything else that makes a teenager's life completely hectic takes over, causing me to feel like I'm married to a life that is sad beautiful and tragic, I will remember that while it seems sad and tragic, it is still beautiful. And that being happy it is only a matter of perception that can only be decided by the eye of the beholder.

Update on my website...

There's a new post up on my website!

Go ahead and check it out at  Word, Sentence, Story. 

Also, if you're reading this, that means that more than likely you follow me here, so you may as well follow me there too. It's not about the number of followers, it's about making sure that you are all able to read the content that I publish. I want you to be involved in my writing because it is such a huge part of who I am!

I plan to have a review up at the end of this month / beginning of next month, and some further news about my book will make it's way to the webpage in the next couple of weeks... So stay tuned for that!

As you can tell, there's not a whole lot else going on at the moment... However, this Friday is our annual Canoe trip, and I'm definitely going to be posting some pictures and whatnot about that.

Can't wait to share more with you all,

xoxoxo

-Miranda Lynn

Attention Readers!

Hi Everyone!

I have decided to make another blog!

I would really appreciate it if you went over and decided to follow my posts there as well as here. All you have to do is click on the link below:


Word, Sentence, Story.



I'll be keeping this blog as a way for everyone to continue touching base with me on a personal level, however, I decided it is time to make a real website for my professional writing.

If you are interested in short stories, books, script, poetry, free writing, book reviews, good reads, research writing, interviews, and some writing related videos, head on over and subscribe right now!

I'm so looking forward to seeing you all there!

-Miranda Lynn

I'll be changing my mind.

Last week I told you how important you are to me but you didn't listen.
Last week you told me you really do care but friends is all we can be.
Last week you told me you don't want to hurt me anymore, but you are.
Last week you made my mosaic heart break into smaller pieces than it has before.

Three days ago we made intimate & passionate love at 2:00 in the a.m.
Three days ago things felt okay, and I even woke up in a good mood.
Three days ago you officially entered a committed relationship with her.
Three days ago my mosaic heart broke into smaller pieces than it ever had before.

Today I've been hurting so much more than I ever thought possible.
Today I've been thinking of you even thought I don't want to at all.
Today I've been trying to feel okay about all this, but I can't do it.
Today my mosaic heart is breaking into smaller pieces than it ever has before.

Tonight I'm feeling that pain which seems like it will never go away.
Tonight I'm needing somebody, so please tell me you're somebody.
Tonight I'm wanting to just crash and fall down, since it's all over now.
Tonight my mosaic heart is breaking into smaller pieces than it ever has before.

In this moment I'm wishing that you would've given me an opportunity.
In this moment I'm realizing that things will never be the same again.
In this moment I'm wiping away the last tear & leaving the past behind.
In this moment I'm deciding that my heart has been shattered by you for the last time.

In the morning I'm going to wake up and feel brand new again.
In the morning I'm going to be confident in my independent self.
In the morning I'm not going to regret choosing not to beg you back.
In the morning I'm not going to let you shatter my mosaic heart into pieces any smaller.

Tomorrow will be the first day of a future that is not including you.
Tomorrow will be the first time in a long while that I won't need you.
Tomorrow will be the first of many lessons finally learned & put to use.
Tomorrow will be the first chance I get to repair the pieces of my broken mosaic heart.

Three days from now I'll be doing much better than I am right now.
Three days from now I'll be thinking of you much less than I am now.
Three days from now I might not cry myself to sleep over you again.
Three days from now I'll be trying to guard my half pieced together mosaic heart of porcelain.

In one week you'll be changing your mind.
In one week I'll be standing strong without you.
In one week all this will be a mere memory.
In one week I'll know better than to ever wear my mosaic heart on my sleeve again...



                                                                                       ...just as soon as you give me a reason to.

Someday You Might.

Someday You Might

By: Miranda Byard (Me)

I find myself going back,

During times when I least expect to.

I fear my mind is forever clouded,

With the memories I have of you.

I hadn’t ever pictured things,

The way they are today.

I fought tooth and nail to keep you,

Tried to convince you to stay.

Nothing could prevent you,

From doing what you would.

Actions which caused controversy-

Undeniably misunderstood.

These things they would happen,

Day in and day out.

We’d fight and make up,

Forget what it was about.

And eventually it became so often,

We didn’t know why we were together.

We’d come to a mutual agreement,

Decided to throw away forever.

I never wanted this for us,

But looking ahead I thought I might.

Here I am 10 months later,

And you’re still the reason I write.

Your sweatshirt is still in my closet,

I’ve got your ring hidden away.

There are pictures in my dresser,

That I still look at every day.

And I know I can’t keep doing this,

Because it does nothing good.

I’ve been told to forget about you,

And I would if I could.

So I’ll sit here and feel sorry,

For myself and for you.

My heart is heavy with sorrow,

Because there’s nothing we can do.

And I hate to admit it,

But I still feel it in my chest.

You’re still that special person,

Who will always know me best.

I’ve been stuck here waiting,

To hear words you’ll never say.

Impatience pushed me forward,

To pave another way.

I picked myself up,

And dusted off the dirt.

Started walking away,

Pretending it didn’t hurt.

I fooled myself for a while,

Into thinking I’d be alright.

I had the help of one person,

Who held me close at night.

But I wasn’t getting better,

I started feeling much worse.

I’d accepted his lustful offer,

A form of ‘love’ so perverse.

An unhealthy relationship budded,

A replacement to my missing link,

Numbed the painful thought of you,

And helped me not to think.

It started out as one thing,

But soon became something else,

I knew he was trouble.

Influenza infecting good health.

He’d sleep and I’d wake,

Every day was the same.

Tomorrow’s pain would mirror today’s,

We’ve spent 10 months playing this game.

Walking on eggshells in the morning,

Sleeping on a bed of nails every night.

Playing pretend, wrong rules in mind,

All other concerns out of sight.

But I got tired of tiptoeing around,

I couldn’t hold my tongue anymore.

For too long I’d been hurting,

Crying alone behind closed doors.

And even then I couldn’t do it.

Couldn’t find it in me to tell him goodbye.

Instead we’d roll around in a bed full of tears,

And I couldn’t tell you why.

Every time I felt alone,

He’s who I decided to go to.

But every night I spent with him,

I was reminded of you.

It’s always back and forth,

He loves me, he loves me not.

Just last night we fought,

And then I gave him all I’ve got.

Desperate words left my mouth,

Just as our eyes did meet.

My heart beat faster,

Than the cars on my street.

“I can be whatever you want”

I whispered between clenched teeth.

But he couldn’t even look at me,

Eyes fixed on the ground beneath.

The silence between us,

Forced another mouthful of lies.

“We can just be friends then,

I’ve felt nothing this whole time”

And all I got from him,

Were three short words and a half glance.

“Meet me upstairs.”

This was my chance.

I was praying he’d believe me,

Hoping he’d be the one to give in.

But I couldn’t keep him waiting any longer,

So I went inside and let him win.

My stomach was in knots,

When he made his way to the door.

And the tears started flowing,

He’d left and I couldn’t hold it in anymore.

I cried so hard,

For the love I wanted so bad.

I awoke to tear stained pillows,

Makeshift sponges, soaking up the sad.

And in the mirror the next morning,

A mascara streaked face stares back.

A reminder of failed attempts,

And hurt feelings make their attack.

All over again the pain returns,

My red eyes rim with tears too wet.

Now I’m choking on my feelings,

Wishing him and I had never met.

It began as an innocent crush,

Now I’m feeling a self-inflicted burn,

Because crash after crash,

I still haven’t learned.

Eventually I’ll get smart,

And I’ll find the courage it will take,

To turn my back on this mess,

And stop this heartache.

When I finally force myself forward,

One foot after the other,

I’ll continue this journey,

Searching for another.

And even then,

Not much will change.

I’ll still look at our pictures,

And cry out your name.

I’ll relive our memories,

Day after day.

Trying to forget all the words,

That at one time you did say.

I’ll still see your face,

In strangers on the street.

I’ll still be picking up the pieces,

Of promises you could still decide to keep.

And at the end of each day,

I’ll turn out the lights.

I’ll be hoping and praying,

That someday you might.

mosaic broken hearts.

At the start of the new year I made plans to better myself, just as everyone does. Instead, I made some poor decisions that I am currently suffering the consequences of. Six, almost seven months ago, I experienced  some life changes. I learned what it feels like to be truly alone. I moved from home, my friends moved from home, we all started college in different towns, I lost my best friend when a two year relationship ended, and from there everything got a little hazy. Well, a lot actually. My heart got the best of me, and all common sense went out the window as I made the drive to the place where it all started.

It was sometime during the second week of January; I don't care to remember any more details than the ones which already remain in my mind unwelcome. It was early in the morning, and my mom was asleep. It was too easy: I slipped out of the house unnoticed, and made my way out of the driveway, and down the highway. My heart thumped louder than usual, and my phone was clenched tight in my sweaty shaking hand. Taylor Swift's "The Moment I Knew" hummed in the background, my best effort to calm myself, but I remained short of breath the entire 4 minute, 1.6 mile drive. 

On the left, the Emmet Brick and Block building was suddenly in sight, then one...two...three...four...five... six houses down, and there it was: A little white house connected to a small garage placed in a small yard close to the road. The next thing I knew I was slipping through the garage door and following a broken man's footsteps into the basement of what used to be the place he called home.

Following this occasion were two additional evenings spent at his friend's apartment, and since then, countless others at his house, as well as my own. Though the locations varied, the feelings exchanged each time were always the same, and the same sweaty sticky feeling we both mistook for love always remained on  our skin and lingered in the air afterwards.

Even tonight, just about an hour ago actually. We follow the same routine every single time. He arrives, parks his van across the street, and enters without knocking. Work shirts pool into individual heaps of blue polyester on my bedroom floor alongside similar attire covering each of our bodies. No words are exchanged, only heavy breaths, deep groans, and the occasional whimper. Afterwards, we lay together for a few short minutes, and then he mutters the same few short words, "I should go soon," and I reply, "I'll walk you down." The door swings open, and slowly latches shut. Then the rev of an old engine is drowned out by the same sobs that emit from the inside of my burning throat. 

I cry. The same sad cry of deep reoccurring pain and sorrow, accompanied by feelings of self pity, hatred, and disappointment. All the result of a problem I created for myself. It's really self inflicted pain, but there's something about feeling wanted and not alone, even if it's just for a short amount of time, that makes what we're doing seem okay enough to let it continue happening. There's something about the rush of pleasure that pulses through our bodies when fierce brown eyes meet icy blue. There's something about the tingle that makes its way from head to toe when there's nothing between our beating hearts but naked salty skin. There's something about being needed by another person, and allowing yourself to become completely vulnerable to meet their needs at your own expense. There's something about all that, which feels so damn good, but there's also something about what we're doing that hurts more than anything I've ever experienced.

And I know that, because it's almost two in the morning now, and I am feeling more empty than ever. There are a few cracks in my heart, and I've been trying my best to patch them all together for quite some time. This relationship has been the band aid that i keep trying to put on every time it falls off. 

But we'll keep doing this until we can't anymore. Until our shattered hearts can't be broken into pieces any smaller. And even then, we'll still find ways to piece together our mosaic broken hearts so that they can again be shattered one last time.

xoxo

-Miranda

.

Happy Friday

Oh, hi.

Having a bad day?

That's okay, look at these pictures of my cute little puppy and feel better.

Happy Friday everyone!

If you want to see more pictures of Madi Jane, go ahead and creep on my

Instagram

all the pictures are mostly of her.

Young and Beautiful (from The Great Gatsby Soundtrack).

I have seen The Great Gatsby twice now in theaters.
I wouldn't go as far as saying I'm obsessed, but I like it so so sooo incredibly much that I've already

-downloaded half the soundtrack,
-listened to it on repeat since then
-bought the book
-reread the book
-getting a tattoo of a quote from the book.

Yes.
                            a tattoo...

and It's going to say:

"...so we beat on, boats against the current..." 

and it will have a little sailboat.

because I adore sailboats.

And I've decided to post the song that plays in the movie at a part where I've quietly cried each time I've seen it.

.

Give Blood (TED on Tuesday).

Five days ago I gave blood. It was my second time, and I'm so incredibly thankful for the opportunity. Others who have given blood, they have been helpers, and they are the people who saved my dad's life. I am also incredibly thankful for them. And I just want to reach out to you, and let you know that you can help too.

"It really doesn't take very many of us to achieve spectacular results." 

I wore red, to represent the precious blood I gave.

And here I am in my car after donating.

Proudly wearing my "I make a difference" sticker.

And now for a video that I found on TED which has inspired me to give my blood for more reasons than I had five days ago. Watch the video below to find out why.

John Wilbanks -- Let's Pool Our Medical Data:

9:20-- So the thing that I'm proposing we do here is that we reach behind us and we grab the dust, that we reach into our bodies and we grab the genotype, and we reach into the medical system and we grab our records, and we use it to build something together, which is a commons. And there's been a lot of talk about commonses, right, here, there, everywhere, right. A commons is nothing more than a public good that we build out of private goods. We do it voluntarily, and we do it through standardized legal tools. We do it through standardized technologies. Right. That's all a commons is. It's something that we build together because we think it's important.

And a commons of data is something that's really unique, because we make it from our own data. And although a lot of people like privacy as their methodology of control around data, and obsess around privacy, at least some of us really like to share as a form of control, and what's remarkable about digital commonses is you don't need a big percentage if your sample size is big enough to generate something massive and beautiful. So not that many programmers write free software, but we have the Apache web server. Not that many people who read Wikipedia edit, but it works. So as long as some people like to share as their form of control, we can build a commons, as long as we can get the information out. And in biology, the numbers are even better. So Vanderbilt ran a study asking people, we'd like to take your biosamples, your blood, and share them in a biobank, and only five percent of the people opted out. I'm from Tennessee. It's not the most science-positive state in the United States of America. (Laughter) But only five percent of the people wanted out. So people like to share, if you give them the opportunity and the choice.

And so all of these things are part of the clinical study that we've created, so you can actually come in, all you have to be is 14 years old, willing to sign a contract that says I'm not going to be a jerk,basically, and you're in. You can start analyzing the data. You do have to solve a CAPTCHA as well. (Laughter) And if you'd like to build corporate structures on top of it, that's okay too. That's all in the consent, so if you don't like those terms, you don't come in. It's very much the design principles of a commons that we're trying to bring to health data. And the other thing about these systems is that it only takes a small number of really unreasonable people working together to create them. It didn't take that many people to make Wikipedia Wikipedia, or to keep it Wikipedia. And we're not supposed to be unreasonable in health,and so I hate this word "patient." I don't like being patient when systems are broken, and health care is broken. I'm not talking about the politics of health care, I'm talking about the way we scientifically approach health care. So I don't want to be patient. And the task I'm giving to you is to not be patient. So I'd like you to actually try, when you go home, to get your data. You'll be shocked and offended and, I would bet, outraged, at how hard it is to get it. But it's a challenge that I hope you'll take, and maybe you'll share it. Maybe you won't. If you don't have anyone in your family who's sick, maybe you wouldn't be unreasonable. But if you do, or if you've been sick, then maybe you would. And we're going to be able to do an experiment in the next several months that lets us know exactly how many unreasonable people are out there. So this is the Athena Breast Health Network. It's a study of 150,000 women in California, and they're going to return all the data to the participants of the studyin a computable form, with one-clickability to load it into the study that I've put together. So we'll know exactly how many people are willing to be unreasonable.

So what I'd end [with] is, the most beautiful thing I've learned since I quit my job almost a year ago to do this, is that it really doesn't take very many of us to achieve spectacular results. You just have to be willing to be unreasonable, and the risk we're running is not the risk those 14 men who got yellow fever ran. Right? It's to be naked, digitally, in public. So you know more about me and my health than I know about you. It's asymmetric now. And being naked and alone can be terrifying. But to be naked in a group, voluntarily, can be quite beautiful. And so it doesn't take all of us. It just takes all of some of us. Thank you.

I urge you to try to make a difference.

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TED Tuesday: The Power of Vulnerability

This is an incredible TED video. The beginning is a little slow, but you need all of the information she tells you to start with in order to appreciate the end the way you will if you promise to watch the entire video.

Brene Brown: The Power of Vulnerability

And if you don't have time for the entire video, I at least want you to take from it the main message which is exposed in the last couple minutes and is written below:

Starting at 14: 27 -- "Why do we struggle with [vulnerability] so much? Am I alone in struggling with vulnerability? No. So this is what I learned...We live in a vulnerable world. And one of the ways we deal with it is we numb vulnerability.

And I think there's evidence -- and it's not the only reason this evidence exists, but I think it's a huge cause -- we are the most in-debt, obese, addicted and medicated adult cohort in U.S. history. The problem is -- and I learned this from the research -- that you cannot selectively numb emotion. You can't say, here's the bad stuff. Here's vulnerability, here's grief, here's shame, here's fear, here's disappointment. I don't want to feel these. I'm going to have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin. I don't want to feel these. And I know that's knowing laughter. I hack into your lives for a living. You can't numb those hard feelings without numbing the other affects, our emotions. You cannot selectively numb. So when we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness. And then we are miserable, and we are looking for purpose and meaning, and then we feel vulnerable, so then we have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin. And it becomes this dangerous cycle.

One of the things that I think we need to think about is why and how we numb. And it doesn't just have to be addiction. The other thing we do is we make everything that's uncertain, certain. Religion has gone from a belief in faith and mystery to certainty. I'm right, you're wrong. Shut up. That's it. Just certain. The more afraid we are, the more vulnerable we are, the more afraid we are. This is what politics looks like today. There's no discourse anymore. There's no conversation. There's just blame. You know how blame is described in the research? A way to discharge pain and discomfort. We perfect. If there's anyone who wants their life to look like this, it would be me, but it doesn't work.

And we perfect, most dangerously, our children. Let me tell you what we think about children. They're hardwired for struggle when they get here. And when you hold those perfect little babies in your hand, our job is not to say, "Look at her, she's perfect. My job is just to keep her perfect -- make sure she makes the tennis team by fifth grade and Yale by seventh grade." That's not our job. Our job is to look and say, "You know what? You're imperfect, and you're wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging." That's our job. Show me a generation of kids raised like that, and we'll end the problems I think that we see today. We pretend that what we do doesn't have an effect on people. We do that in our personal lives. We do that corporate -- whether it's a bailout, an oil spill, a recall -- we pretend like what we're doing doesn't have a huge impact on other people. I would say to companies, this is not our first rodeo, people. We just need you to be authentic and real and say, "We're sorry. We'll fix it."


But there's another way, and I'll leave you with this. This is what I have found: to let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen; to love with our whole hearts, even though there's no guarantee -- and that's really hard, and I can tell you as a parent, that's excruciatingly difficult -- to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror, when we're wondering, "Can I love you this much? Can I believe in this this passionately? Can I be this fierce about this?" just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say, "I'm just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I'm alive." And the last, which I think is probably the most important, is to believe that we're enough. Because when we work from a place, I believe, that says, "I'm enough," then we stop screaming and start listening, we're kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we're kinder and gentler to ourselves.""

Now just think about that for a second.

.

Over the love.

It is mid-afternoon.

And I have hardly been out of my bed at all.

Here is a song, and if you can feel the emotion in her voice, you will know why I haven't stepped foot out of the comfort of my quiet and lonely bed.

"Can't undo what has been done, so turn off all the lights.

 Let the morning come 

& I'll cry and cry and cry over the love of you."    

-- Florence + The Machine ♥ 

Also, I am obsessed with The Great Gatsby. ♥

Hello strangers!

Oh hey, It's been nearly five months since I last posted...

                   5 months?!

Yes, five months. But have no fear, I'm back for good.

And you can expect a lot from me this summer.

So, let's get the ball rolling here.

Allow me to tell you all about what my life is currently.

Reading: Agenda 21 by Glenn Beck. Which is basically this cool book based off of the actual Agenda 21, a plan made by the government for the 21 century. It's pretty interesting and I recommend it to you! Also, I'm reading a book called Barred to You by Sylvia Day. I'm only about 10 percent of the way through according to my kindle fire, but so far it's a decent book. A lot like 50 Shades of Grey so far.

                        

Writing: Several things currently. A poem, a letter, and a novel! My very first novel. I'm calling it "After Brian" and I can't wait to see where it takes me. I'm so excited. When I start really getting it rolling I'll post it on my Wattpad account.

Listening to: I'm listening to Young and Beautiful by Lana Del Rey. It's one of the songs from The Great Gatsby soundtrack and I'm absolutely in love with it, as well as the movie. Both super amazing. The Great Gatsby was perfection, and I seriously recommend it to everyone in the world. Click HERE and listen now!

Watching: I'm watching a Jenna Marbles video. She posts one every Wednesday, but sometimes I get behind, or I don't watch them in order. You should watch it too. (:

Thinking about: More things than my brain should be able to handle at one time:

-the awesome day I had

-the best of friends I spend it with

-the guy that is breaking my heart

-how i'm going to keep him off my mind

-where my mom is with my laundry....?

Looking forward to: I'm really looking forward to my next day off. Which happens to be the day after tomorrow. I think the weather is supposed to be crappy, and so I need to rent all the seasons of Pretty Little Liars and watch every single episode there is. Just a thought. Sounds like a wonderful day to me though!

Making me happy: Right now it's this pretty baby in my lap.

I can't wait to share more with you guys this summer!

                                                                                                                      -Miranda

                                                                                                                             xoxo