This is my first ever picture an hour post. School is boring, so I decided to do this post starting with the first hour of my school day. It turned out to be a lot of fun. Here goes nothing...
8:00-9:00
I have Physics first hour. We are supposed to have a test tomorrow but today the teacher was gone so now our test is moved back to Thursday. So today I basically got to lay around and do nothing.
9:00-10:00
Second hour I have art. Right now we're all working on the clay unit. I am not fond of working with clay, but I love art and I can turn just about anything into something really cool. So even though I don't like clay, I'm giving it a chance.
10:00-11:00
Third hour I have Calculus. It is the most dreaded class of the day. Today we learned about applications of the First Derivative Test and the Concavity Test. It is about as fun as it sounds. Such a blast. NOT.
11:00-12:00
Fourth hour is English for me. I like English, however, sometimes I do not like the assignments we are made to do. I love reading, but I do not like to read when I am made to. Good thing I finnished the book today!
12:00-1:00
Lunch time is almost always the best time of the day. Time to relax, and catch up on everything that I've missed from other classes. This is a picture of my best friend and I.
1:00-2:00
Because I take two college classes, I am allowed to leave after lunch. Most of the time I end up staying because I have tons of homework. So today I stayed in the library and worked on my calculus. I found this mask and my friends and I decided to make him be a part of our table.
2:00-3:00
I continued to stay at the school for the next hour as well. During this hour I worked on some physics problems and chilled out with my friend Cody who comes into the library periodically because he is a peer tutor. Over all my day at school was a good day. (o:
1. These cupcakes look scrumdidleyumptious. Just saying. I think I'll make them for my birthday. (20 days!) I couldn't be more excited. Hopefully I can start planning soon!
2. These little boots are absolutely adorable and I think that I need to learn how to make them. I bet my grandma could make them. And I want a larger pair for myself. Maybe for my birthday!
3. This ring is absolutely beautiful. Simple and pretty. I am praying that I get one from my Garret for my birthday. <3 The one I really want looks similar to this one. I love the Princess Cut look.
4. When I turn 18 in 20 days I plan to get this tattoo on my feet. One fish on the inside of each of my feet. My daddy is coming with me. I'm excited because I've never gotten a tattoo!
5. If I get any birthday money I plan to spend it on picture frames and developing pictures so that I can create this. Right now I have 24 pictures in my room of my Garret and I. And I know I could make this.
Today is the 16 month mark for my boyfriend, Garret, and I. I would like to share 16 pictures today and maybe a small piece of our story...
Garret and I have shared both good and bad days together. It is my belief that our experiences make us who we are. Having spent so much time together and experiencing so much together we have become a part of each other. He really is my other half. There is no better way to explain our connection.
I never used to believe in love. Of course I dated boys, I liked to feel special, wanted. It wasn't until I met Garret that I realized what love truly feels like, what it truly is. Its like that one song that you've had on repeat for as long as you can remember but you never get sick of it. Not the typical song that you play for a while and then end up tossing it out of your playlist and forgetting about it because it becomes over played. Garret and I are the song that you never get sick of.
It's like that feeling you get when you see someone you haven't seen in a really long time. You feel excited, because you miss them, nervous, because you don't know what to say, relieved, because you know they're still in your life, sad, because you've let so much time lapse, time that you'll never get back. You feel content, interested, surprised, at ease. You feel all these things at once.
You feel alive.
And that is what love feels like.
You feel alive for the first time when you truly fall in love.
If you've never felt the feeling you will eventually. And you probably don't know what feeling I'm referring to unless you've felt it before or are feeling it right now. Don't worry if you haven't though, because everyone has a soul mate, and yours is out there.
Today I've been thinking about things that are good any day at any time. The first thing I can think of is cheesecake.
I love cheesecake. So today my momma and I made it in little cups. Yummmmmy.
Another thing that is good any day at any time is a nap. Naps are great even though they leave you feeling somewhat disoriented.
I'm excited because tomorrow is snowcoming. Tonight I am venturing over to my mother's house and staying the night so we can have some girl time and so she can help me get ready for my very last snowcoming ever. I can't believe how many "last times" there have been and there are still to come. It blows my mind.
No matter what though, I am planning to have a good time with my momma tonight and tomorrow and I plan to have a fantastic night with my friends.
My dress.
(not exactly what I wanted, but its what procrastination gets you)
I'm super tired. So you get to watch instead of read because I'm too tired to write a bunch. This video basically describes what happens when you become sleep deprived.
Not only that, it also describes a very strange native american woman I met today.
I am exhausted. Wednesdays are always rough for me. I have to get up early and go to school, then leave school and drive into town and go to my night class which lasts for 3 hours. Today I had a total of 10 hours of schooling. I am not a fan of high school, though I do like college. They are completely different. College is wonderful. There are so many people and the atmosphere is totally different from high school. Sometimes I really don't want to go to college when I get done with high school for the day. Most of the time I don't even want to get out of bed for high school. But today when I woke up, I had a motivation that got me up and around.
Yes my friends, this is the Grande Vanilla Bean Frappuccino. & it is absolutely B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L.
& super de duper delicious.
Right when I got up I knew that I had to go to town today and this is the only thing that was going to get me there. There is something about little things like this that are capable of brightening someone's entire day. This little guy just makes me a different person. I can go into Starbucks a grumpy teenager, and walk out a completely different person after the first sip. This drink (and any other Starbucks drink) works wonders and is a miracle in disguise! Today was great after I had it. There's nothing like drinking a frappe, chilling in the library for a few hours, sitting through a three hour lecture, and driving home singing at the top of your lungs the whole way. I enjoy these little things. (o:
Today I've spent a lot of time thinking about things I have now, that I won't have much longer. The things that come with the privilege of being seventeen years old are exactly what I'm speaking of.
The first thing that comes to me as I am studying for a college class is not having to pay for college. Right now, because I am dual enrolled, my high school pays for tuition and all that other garbage. I only pay for the books.Soon after graduation that won't be the case anymore...
The second thing that comes to mind is free time. The time it took me to paint my toe nails, yeah I won't have that kind of free time once I move out. Every second will be spent doing homework, studying, and working. Bummer days, man.
The third thing that comes to my mind is having money to buy the things I want, not just the things I need. I know when I am out on my own I will have to pay for every single thing I will own. I pay for my cell phone, car insurance, and gas money right now. But I can't imagine how much money I'll need for rent, food, electric, utilities, clothes etc.
I guess I'm just thinking about how easy I have it right now. And I'm thinking about how hard it is going to be right when I walk out the door, leaving everything I'm familiar with behind me. That first step, into a fresh world filled with all sorts of new wonders. I'm a little scared to be an adult. Unfortunately my eighteenth birthday is in twenty-five days. February 19th is coming sooner than I had originally hoped.
I'm not ready to depart from the young age of sweet seventeen...
Lucky me, today just so happened to be a snow/ice day. So I get to sit here at home and do a whole lot of nothing. Which is good, because it means some creativity might actually get to come out. Snow days are great, because they're unexpected. Even if the weather man says its gonna be nasty outside, you never know if it really will be or not, and even if it is, who knows if your school will be so gracious as to let you have a day off.
I guess today my school administrators were feeling generous. (o:
Yesterday was nice out. I went with one of my good friends and we took some senior pictures. This happens to be my favorite one:
and it is the second most picked on Facebook.
This picture is the most picked on Facebook. Everyone probably likes it because they've never seen a Senior Picture of someone on a humongous rock before.
This one is the third most picked and my second favorite.
My best friend took them, and if you ask me she did a hell of a job. They look great. Feel free to leave me a comment if you agree! And if you're feeling extra generous you could even follow my blog. ;o)
I haven't posted anything in a few days, forgive me. Until I get a chance, this should give you something to think about. The song lyrics are self explanatory, however, I may post what the song means to me in a different post. It really is a great song, and it has a lot of meaning. Enjoy. (o:
We are young, we have heart
Born in this world as it all falls apart
We are strong, we don't belong
Born in this world as it all falls apart
I see the children in the rain like the parade before the pain
I see the love, I see the hate, I see this world that we can make
I see the life, I see the sky, give it all to see you fly
Yes, we wave this flag of hatred but you're the ones who made it
Watch the beauty of all our lies passing right before my eyes
I hear the hate in all your words, all the wars to make us hurt
We get so sick of so sick, we never wanted all this
Medication for the kids with no reason to live
So we march to the drums of the dammed as we come
Watch it burn in the sun, we are numb
We are young, we have heart
Born in this world as it all falls apart
We are strong, we don't belong
Born in this world as it all falls apart
As we walk among these shadows, in these streets, this fields of battle
Take it up, we wear the medal, raise your hands with burning candles
Hear us whisper in the dark, in the rain you see the spark
Feel the beating of our hearts, fleeting hope as we depart
All together, walk alone against all we've ever known
All we've ever really wanted was a place to call our home
But you take all we are, the innocence of our hearts
Made to kneel before the alter as you tear us apart
So we march to the drums of the dammed as we come
Watch it burn in the sun, we are numb
We are young, we have heart
Born in this world as it all falls apart
We are strong, we don't belong
Born in this world as it all falls apart
We will fight or we will fall till the angels save us all
I have finally finished my Art Exam project that I had started about a week ago and made a post about.
I promised I would have my progress up soon, so here it is!
(the very first pictures are on my other post. check them out here ---> Click Here!)
I am proud to say that I passed all of my exams with flying colors. Hooray. (o:
I am very happy that I chose to follow through with this even when it started looking a little funny. I usually get very upset when things don't turn out exactly how I want them to. But I stuck with this, hoping for a great turnout and that is exactly what I got. I'm proud of myself for not quitting.
So let this be a lesson to you:
Don't be a quitter. Keep your head held high and keep pushing through. You can't expect anything to work out perfectly so be positive and just remember if you quit, you're as far from what you wanted as you'll ever be.
I don't know why, but I still really love this song. Because you. showed it to me.And it means something to me. Probably always will...
Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
Even with our fists held high
It never would've worked out right
We were never meant for do or die
I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hold you, now I can't stop
I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone
Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you want to cry
Started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so, I love you enough to let you go
I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone
I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on so I'm already gone
Already gone, already gone, already gone
Already gone, already gone, already gone, yeah
Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone
I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on so I'm already gone
I've also enclosed a letter to the person this song goes out to.
Dear You,
I had the urge to text you again today. I fought it, as usual, this time without giving in. It's been almost two months since we last spoke. I know that isn't much in comparison to the year we went without speaking. Though, as close as we had become in the year that followed, I would say that two months has begun to feel much longer than it actually is. If I had to guess, I'd say that two months is going to turn into five, and five will turn into ten, ten to twelve...and there goes another year.
I can't decide if that's what I want for us. A part of me wishes you were still an adamant part of my life. But I know that will never work. I can't make it feel right when I know that it's wrong. I think that's why things never really worked out. I was a priority, you were an option, the whole thing never really fit together well. But we tried, and sometimes I think we tried too hard. We super glued the pieces together, but eventually things came to an end and everything had to be torn back apart. Now there are pieces of you with me, and pieces of me with you. Things will never fit back together. It wasn't perfect before, but now it will never be even close to how it used to be.
I'm sorry for that part. I know we could have been something great. Things were perfect when I allowed them to be; when they were in secrecy. But something didn't feel right. I don't if it's just because I was young and immature, and you weren't. I have no idea what happened. I guess I wanted what we had to be a secret. You wanted the opposite. I wasn't ready for a label. I tried it for you, in hopes that things would work out, but it all fell apart quickly. I backed out and it's my fault that I never gave you that chance. You're a great person, and I hope the mark I left on you isn't as bad as the one you left on me. You may not have meant to, but you damaged me, permanently. I'll never be the same, as I'm sure you won't either. But that's okay, I've learned something throughout our journey together:
Things like this don't just happen for no reason.
Everything happens for a reason, whether we believe it or not. And I know you came into my life because you were meant to. Things didn't work out. We hurt each other. We're broken now. But it's supposed to be that way, and every second of our experience has made us better people. And things will get better. It takes time for broken hearts to heal.
That's all in the past now. I don't consider the past a mistake, sometimes I just wish we didn't have to end that way. But no matter how hard I try, I can't bring back the past. I can't undo what's already done. And no matter how many times I tell you I'm thinking of you, no matter how many times I friend you on Facebook, no matter how many times we see each other, no matter how many times I say I'm sorry...I cannot fix us. And you can't either. Trying is a waste of our time. Trying is no good for us, it only rips open old scars. I know what's good for us. Once we forget each other everything will be fine.
But this is where things get complicated. Because for whatever reason, I can't forget about you. I really thought back then that I could erase you from my life in a heartbeat, and that you would never be able to do the same for me. But somehow it turned out to be the opposite. Because you're stronger than I am. I can't forgive myself for some of the things I've done to you. Even though to someone else it probably sounds like nothing, to me the things I've done mean the difference between being free and feeling guilty. I can go a couple months feeling like things are finally looking up, like I've finally gotten rid of you, only to find that the next morning you somehow managed to be in my dreams, some song reminded me of you, the number 42 found its way into my school work...something about you. And then from there on out it's only a matter of time before we end up talking again, ripping open those old scars, only to stop talking weeks later for a few more months at a time. We can't keep doing this. We can't keep coming back to each other. It isn't good for anyone. Not you, not me, not our friends. No one.
So this is goodbye. For good.
I don't know how long "for good" will last, because we always find a way back into each other's lives. But I'm going to try not to think of you. I'm going to try not to wonder what you're doing, or who you're with, or how you've been, or where you're going, or who's coming into your life, and who's going out. I really am. It hurts, but it's for the better. We'll never make another memory. We were always meant to say goodbye.
But I want you to know that it was never your fault. It's my fault. Always has been, always will be.
So if you ever need someone to blame, blame me.
But just remember when you're cursing my name,
that I didn't want us to burn out.
Remember that it never would have worked out right,
that you couldn't have loved me better but also
remind yourself that I couldn't make it feel right, when I knew that it was wrong.
I have liked this song for quite a while now. My friends and I accidentally came across it and since then it has been a huge part of our outings. It's great for blasting in a hippie van through town and it is also great for dancing like a maniac to in the hippie van while driving through town.
Another thing I love about this song is a very hilarious video made from it. After you listen to the song you have to watch the video I'm talking about. I've posted it below.
*if you are interested in the music portion of my blog please visit the music label on my page*
I wanna see your peacock, cock, cock, your peacock, cock
Your peacock, cock, cock, your peacock
(x2)
Word on the street, you got something to show me
Magical, colorful, Mr. Mystery
I'm intrigued for a peek, heard it's fascinating
Come on, baby, let me see what you're hiding underneath
Words up your sleeve, such a tease, wanna see the show
In 3D, a movie, heard it's beautiful
Be the judge and my girls gonna take a vote
Come on, baby, let me see what you're hiding underneath
I want the jaw dropping, eye popping, head turning, body shocking
Oh, ay, oh, oh, oh, ay, oh
I want my heart throbbing, ground shaking, show stopping, amazing
Oh, ay, oh, oh, oh, ay, oh
Are you brave enough to let me see your peacock?
Don't be a chicken, boy, stop acting like a beeotch
I'ma peace out if you don't give me the payoff
Come on, baby, let me see what you're hiding underneath
(x2)
Peacock, cock, cock, your peacock, cock
Your peacock, cock, cock, your peacock
I wanna see your peacock, cock, cock, your peacock, cock
Your peacock, cock, cock, your peacock, I wanna see your
Skip the talk, heard it all, time to walk the walk
Make me off, if you bad, show me who's the boss
Need some goose, take it loose, come on take a shot
Come on, baby, let me see what you're hiding underneath
...
Are you brave enough to let me see your peacock?
What you're waiting for, it's time for you to show it off
Don't be a shy kinda guy, I'll bet it's beautiful
Come on, baby, let me see what you're hiding underneath
I wanna see your peacock, cock, cock, your peacock, cock
Your peacock, cock, cock, your peacock, cock
Oh my God, no exaggeration
Boy, all this time was worth the waiting
I just shed a tear
I am so unprepared
You've got the finest architecture
End of the rainbow looking treasure
Such a sight to see
And it's all for me
Are you brave enough to let me see your peacock?
Don't be a chicken, boy, stop acting like a beeotch
I'ma peace out if you don't give me the payoff
Come on, baby, let me see what you're hiding underneath
If this doesn't make you die of laughter, I don't know what will. It is probably one of the funniest things I have ever seen in my life. Oh, the wonders of YouTube.
P.S. If you have found any of my blogs interesting, please show your appreciation by following me. (o: Thanks!
Exams sucked. I'm really glad that whole week is over now because they stress me out like none other. I did manage to get a 92% on my Calculus exam though. The rest of my grades are unknown at this point because all of my teachers are lazy. But that's okay, everyone needs to be lazy once in a while.
I am almost finished with my Art project/exam.
I changed it a lot from what I had originally thought it should look like. But that's okay.
Art isn't usually a planned thing.
It's turning out very nicely. I'm really glad I didn't give up on it like I said I thought I might in my last blog.
Not only did I survive exams, I also survived Friday the 13th. I'm not very superstitious, but I do have a good reason for being surprised that I survived yesterday. There was this big snow storm the other night and we were supposed to get around 8 inches over night. Everyone thought we would have a snow day yesterday.
I woke up to only 5 inches of snow.
We did not get a snow day.
Exams were still on for the day.
But the reason I could have not survived yesterday was because since I live in the middle of nowhere, and my roads are never plowed, the bus almost went rolling down a hill (because my bus driver is a horrible driver).
Then I went to the movies when I got home. I went to see The Devil Inside.
I don't want to spoil it for you, so I'll just say that it was a really creepy movie. I don't know if I should recommend it or not. It was pretty good, though it had a terrible ending. I was most worried after watching it that the demons had transferred from the people in the movie to me and I had a chance of becoming possessed.
But don't worry; I'm safe and sound.
And not possessed.
And extremely grateful that I survived last week's exams and Friday the 13th.
I know I'm slacking a bit. It's been a few days since I last posted, and my last post was just a song and some lyrics. You have to understand that this week is super busy for me though. Midterms. Yucky. So the next few days will consist of studying, relearning, memorizing and all that nonsense.
Currently, I am staring at my art exam project, trying to figure out what to do next. I know it will look much better when it's closer to being done. But right now I'm having trouble with it. And I am on the brink of quitting and starting something a bit easier that I can finish by the due date: Friday the 13th. Oh joy.
In the end, she will be a creepy looking mermaid with a big tail that goes off the page and a flipper that will be below the hand on the left. It will be black and white but her stripes, the light part of her hair, and her tail and flipper will be a bluish purple color. She will also have sequins on her flipper and parts of her tail. I plan to use colored pencils and charcoal.
I know its pretty bad right now...
But you just have to remember that it is a work in progress. I'll keep you posted with my progress. (o:
This is what I'm working from. (obviously modifying a bit)
This is my interpretation...so far.
Both together (o:
Once I finish drawing it and once I get some color on there it should be much better.
Sit tight. I won't be done until after stupid exams...
I, for some reason, realllllllllllly love this pair. In my opinion, The Civil Wars sound beautiful together in their duets. If you are unfamiliar with them, you should know that they are on the soundtrack of The Hunger Games, a movie (based off of a book) that is coming out in March. Go check them out!
If you are interested in the Music portion of my blog visit the "Music" label on my page.
This is kind of a random blog, but I've been thinking a lot lately, and I need to get some of this out.
For one I had a super crappy day at school.
Like SUPERRRRR crappy.
For whatever reason, when I came into my senior year of high school I decided that it would benefit me in the long run to take physics and calculus. I'm sure that it will someday. But right now I am having a heck of a time trying to figure out not only how to do the problems for each subject, but also why in the world I decided to take on this burden. Math is not my strong subject; as a result, I am severely struggling.
Unfortunately, I'm the kind of person that is extremely competitive, and when I don't do something quite as good as someone else, or even when I do, if it isn't REALLY good, I feel like it isn't good enough. Even if I did my best. I've been told a million times that if you try your best, that has to be good enough.
But not for me.
Because for whatever reason I cannot accept that I may have done everything in my power and it wasn't as good as someone else. Because in my eyes, it isn't fair.
What sucks even more is the fact that this is one of my new year's resolutions and I have already failed miserably. Today in calculus we played Jeopardy, a game where we get into teams and whichever team answers the most questions correctly gets up to 3% extra credit on their test which we all take tomorrow. The last section we learned was the day before Christmas break, so we're all a bit rusty on the material.
I hate jeopardy.
because my team always loses.
and that never goes over well when you're as competitive as I am.
And I am really working on my new years resolution. I am really trying to accept that my best is good enough. and that if there's nothing more I could have done, I should be satisfied with what ever score I get.
I tried reminding myself that jeopardy is not about the extra credit.
It's not about winning, or being the smartest person in the class.
It is for the sole purpose of relearning, and refreshing our memories.
It is only to help us do better on the test tomorrow.
But that didn't work. Because I left the class flustered and rather upset. I still cannot accept that: My absolute best, when I have done my homework, studied, applied myself, took notes, etc, as long as I have done everything I possibly could have done to prepare myself, whatever grade I receive, IS good enough. I'm trying to. But it's not working.
Well all this negativity got me thinking.
For one, you're either smart (things come naturally to you) or hardworking (you struggle, but through hard work can pull it off). I am obviously hardworking. And I realized, that isn't such a bad thing after all. No matter how smart you are, you're never going to get any satisfaction from the grades you receive, because you aren't working even half as hard as someone else who does and gets the same grades as you. Also, being hardworking is a good trait to have, because at least if you've worked for everything you have ever received in your life, you know how to deal with struggle. I am a better person because I work harder than those who just automatically understand. I have better studying skills. I know how to handle failure. And when I get into the real world, and things aren't always straight forward, I know how to work to make them line up how they should. Therefore, I feel bad for those of you who are smart, rather than hardworking.
Wow. Congratulations, Calculus, you've actually taught me more than just how to find the derivative of
y= sin (1-x).
Which is -cos (1-x) if I'm not mistaken.
And if I am, looks like I need to stop blogging and go redo my chapter review for the 3rd time.
Have a wonderful evening.
And if I can't, I hope you can at least accept that the best you can do really is good enough!
I'm very excited for what is to come. Even my dog is excited! (for the snow) (o:
This year is huge for me. So many things are just waiting to change.
-Graduation is right around the corner.
-Moving out of my parents house shortly.
-Starting college close to home or far away.
-Starting a new job somewhere in a bigger town.
-Moving in with my boyfriend, finally after waiting so long.
All very exciting things.
For the longest time this was exactly what I wanted: 2012 to arrive and get here fast. But now it seems like things are flying by so quickly I can't even appreciate all this is going on.
Things can slow down any time now.
Unfortunately I don't think that is going to happen any time soon.
So, before the year slips right out of my hands, I've prepared a New Year's Resolution list. Hopefully as the year passes I will have accomplished something more than all that will come without my doing.
New Year's Resolutions (in no particular order)
1.) Exercise! (because I don't need to lose weight, but I rarely exercise)
2.) Quit swearing (most of what comes out of my mouth is vulgar)
3.) Be optimistic (I'm probably the most negative person you'll ever meet)
4.) Make time for somewhat necessary things (yoga, reading, movie watching etc.)
5.) Be satisfied with "my best" (most of the time my best isn't good enough for me)
6.) No more procrastinating! (it's a bad habit of mine)
7.) Finish things I start (like this blog and everything else)
8.) Journal weekly (daily is way too hard, nearly impossible for me)
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