Already Gone by Kelly Clarkson
I don't know why, but I still really love this song. Because you. showed it to me. And it means something to me. Probably always will...
Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
It never would've worked out right
We were never meant for do or die
I didn't come here to hold you, now I can't stop
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you want to cry
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so, I love you enough to let you go
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on so I'm already gone
Already gone, already gone, already gone, yeah
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on so I'm already gone
I've also enclosed a letter to the person this song goes out to.
I had the urge to text you again today. I fought it, as usual, this time without giving in. It's been almost two months since we last spoke. I know that isn't much in comparison to the year we went without speaking. Though, as close as we had become in the year that followed, I would say that two months has begun to feel much longer than it actually is. If I had to guess, I'd say that two months is going to turn into five, and five will turn into ten, ten to twelve...and there goes another year.
I can't decide if that's what I want for us. A part of me wishes you were still an adamant part of my life. But I know that will never work. I can't make it feel right when I know that it's wrong. I think that's why things never really worked out. I was a priority, you were an option, the whole thing never really fit together well. But we tried, and sometimes I think we tried too hard. We super glued the pieces together, but eventually things came to an end and everything had to be torn back apart. Now there are pieces of you with me, and pieces of me with you. Things will never fit back together. It wasn't perfect before, but now it will never be even close to how it used to be.
I'm sorry for that part. I know we could have been something great. Things were perfect when I allowed them to be; when they were in secrecy. But something didn't feel right. I don't if it's just because I was young and immature, and you weren't. I have no idea what happened. I guess I wanted what we had to be a secret. You wanted the opposite. I wasn't ready for a label. I tried it for you, in hopes that things would work out, but it all fell apart quickly. I backed out and it's my fault that I never gave you that chance. You're a great person, and I hope the mark I left on you isn't as bad as the one you left on me. You may not have meant to, but you damaged me, permanently. I'll never be the same, as I'm sure you won't either. But that's okay, I've learned something throughout our journey together:
Things like this don't just happen for no reason.
Everything happens for a reason, whether we believe it or not. And I know you came into my life because you were meant to. Things didn't work out. We hurt each other. We're broken now. But it's supposed to be that way, and every second of our experience has made us better people. And things will get better. It takes time for broken hearts to heal.
That's all in the past now. I don't consider the past a mistake, sometimes I just wish we didn't have to end that way. But no matter how hard I try, I can't bring back the past. I can't undo what's already done. And no matter how many times I tell you I'm thinking of you, no matter how many times I friend you on Facebook, no matter how many times we see each other, no matter how many times I say I'm sorry...I cannot fix us. And you can't either. Trying is a waste of our time. Trying is no good for us, it only rips open old scars. I know what's good for us. Once we forget each other everything will be fine.
But this is where things get complicated. Because for whatever reason, I can't forget about you. I really thought back then that I could erase you from my life in a heartbeat, and that you would never be able to do the same for me. But somehow it turned out to be the opposite. Because you're stronger than I am. I can't forgive myself for some of the things I've done to you. Even though to someone else it probably sounds like nothing, to me the things I've done mean the difference between being free and feeling guilty. I can go a couple months feeling like things are finally looking up, like I've finally gotten rid of you, only to find that the next morning you somehow managed to be in my dreams, some song reminded me of you, the number 42 found its way into my school work...something about you. And then from there on out it's only a matter of time before we end up talking again, ripping open those old scars, only to stop talking weeks later for a few more months at a time. We can't keep doing this. We can't keep coming back to each other. It isn't good for anyone. Not you, not me, not our friends. No one.
So this is goodbye. For good.
I don't know how long "for good" will last, because we always find a way back into each other's lives. But I'm going to try not to think of you. I'm going to try not to wonder what you're doing, or who you're with, or how you've been, or where you're going, or who's coming into your life, and who's going out. I really am. It hurts, but it's for the better. We'll never make another memory. We were always meant to say goodbye.
But I want you to know that it was never your fault. It's my fault. Always has been, always will be.
So if you ever need someone to blame, blame me.
But just remember when you're cursing my name,
that I didn't want us to burn out.
Remember that it never would have worked out right,
that you couldn't have loved me better but also
remind yourself that I couldn't make it feel right, when I knew that it was wrong.
And just know that I'm sorry for that.
Because I loved you.
Still do.
</3
Always will...
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