Things I'm Afraid To Tell You.

I'm afraid to tell you that...

1.] I'm afraid to listen. Even though it might be best.

We've been together for so long. And I love you so much. Sometimes it just seems to everyone around me that I would be so much better off on my own; alone. I think sometimes that all of that negative thinking puts me in a mood, and then I start thinking the same way. Because of this, it is very difficult for me to ever know if my thinking is actually my own, or just my understanding of someone else's. They tell me things that hurt. No one wants to listen to that kind of thing. But at the same time, no family of mine would tell me that kind of thing unless they meant it, and they were looking out for me; trying to get me to realize what is truly best for me. My life is my own. So do not think for one second that I will let others lead me around and tell me what doors I should and should not open. I will make my own choices. It's just that I've looked back and thought to myself, why didn't I listen to my dad then? I would not like to look back five years from now and think to myself, why didn't I listen to my dad then? Especially if I can prevent it. It's a hard choice to make. I'm afraid to tell you that I may have to listen, after all. Only time will tell. Please don't let me listen to them.

2.] Prince charming has disappeared, but to where?

You promised. You said you'd do anything for me. But I keep asking, and you won't. I'm afraid to tell you, but I want things to be how they used to be. I want to feel happy again. I want to have a crush on you again. I want you to act like you did in the beginning. Before we knew we were in love. I want you to touch me like you used to: gently, cautiously, sweetly, needfully, and curiously. I want you to take my breath away. I want you to wrap me up in your arms and do something you only see in the movies. For me, all for me. Make me feel special, because you love me. You still love me, right? I need you to make me remember what it felt like. I'm afraid to tell you, but I will only ask so many more times. If you can't give me what I need, you force me to move forward; without you. Please don't let me move on.

3.] I worry that I need more than you can give me.

I need so much from you. I need you to remind me everyday that you love me. I need you to tell me. Even if I already know it, I still need to hear it. I need you to hold my hand, intertwining your fingers in mine; squeeze my hand gently to let me know you're there. Hug me when you see me and tell me how beautiful I am, even if I already know that's what you're thinking. Tuck me in, tell me goodnight, and kiss my forehead at the end of the day before you shut the door quietly and walk out to your car. Send me a sweet message before I wake up. Write on my facebook wall when you miss me. Act silly with me, because that's what best friends do. Take me on adventures, I don't care if they're near or far, spectacular or not, I want you to excite me. Surprise me, doesn't have to be anything amazing, but something unexpected, no matter what it is, it would do wonders. Dance with me, in the living room, the street, the sand at the beach. It doesn't matter where. Hold me, when I'm fine, when I'm not, whenever, all the time. Laugh with me, enjoy my company, listen to my terrible singing. Accept my stupid habits, no matter how dumb they are, no matter how much they annoy you. They're a part of me. Love my flaws, because they are a part of who I am as well. Trust me, because I deserve it. Listen to me because I want to tell you all about everything that I possibly can. Try things for me, even things you don't like, who knows, if you try you might learn something new. Be with me, become part of me. Be my best friend; the one I'm not afraid to let loose with. Love me; like no one else can. Remind me that you are my soul mate. My one and only. I'm afraid to tell you that I need these things, and you give me almost all of them about 50% of the time. Which is great, but I don't want to lose that spark. It's up to you to keep our fire burning. You promised you'd do anything. You promised. Keep your promise.

And most of all...

4.] I'm afraid to tell you that I will do whatever it takes.

That means with or without you. I am not supposed to find someone I can live with, but someone I cannot live without. I will do it. I'm convinced it's you. But if I ever feel that it isn't, don't think that I will hesitate to set out to find that person. You're wonderful, you really are. I truly love you with all of my heart. I probably will no matter what. No matter what happens. You will forever take up a huge place in my heart. I will do whatever it takes to stay with you. Everything in my power. I promise. All you have to do is keep your promises, don't let me believe what anyone else says about us, and do everything in your power to keep me satisfied with your never ending love for me. Everything will be fine. I love you. ♥

So very much my dear Garret.♥