yours truly.

Dear you,

You've returned again. It makes sense; the two month mark was yesterday. Crazy how time flies, isn't it? It seems like just yesterday we were wrapped up in that blanket...I was doing well without you before you returned the last time, and over the past couple months since you left again too. But of course, you won't leave me long enough to fully recover, will you?

You were in my dreams two nights ago. Today has been an awfully quite day. Quiet enough that you've managed to occupy your place in my mind and open a few wounds in my heart all over again.

What happened the last time we saw eachother, it's still in my thoughts, forever etched in my mind. Lingering there, torturing me. I didn't mean for it to happen how it did. I'm sorry. I never would have tried it all again, let you be so kind, if I knew that after we left that theatre my mind would have changed so drastically. My emotions took hold of me. Everything about that night just made me think twice. Sometimes I wonder if I'm more sorry that I made the decision I did, or that I let you let me make the decision I did. I know it was completely up to me, but after I chose, you let me walk away again. I guess they go hand in hand more than anything...

You said it still exists. I know it does. It takes two. I'm trying to live it right now, but you keep interrupting it. How do you expect it to work for me if you keep making me feel this way? I'm trying to do it on my own, without you, with someone else. I'm trying to give you the opportunity to do it on your own, without me, with someone else. I trying to give you the opportunity to break free from me...to let go.

I'm trying to get myself to let go, but it seems like every so often you find your way back into my mind. And you play your dirty little tricks, I can't believe I'm sitting here tonight thinking about you, typing these words, and A Year From Now starts playing on my ipod. I can't do anything without you on my mind. Not for an extended period of time at least. Can't you let me be?

I haven't heard from you since the morning after that night. I cried the whole way home you know. And not just because of the reasons you think I did. I was scared. There was a snow storm outside. I was emotionally dazed. There was a blizzard in my mind. But I learned more than one thing that night. About myself. About you. About him.

I learned that I'm not strong enough to be with you. That I'm not strong enough to be without him. And that I'll forever love you both. Whether you believe it or not.

Now that I've admitted it, yet again, will you let me sleep tonight? Or will you force me to contact you again before I am able to enjoy a full night of rest? You know as well as I do that being in contact once more will do nothing good for either of us. Please, I will let you go if you let me. I pray for you. I pray for me. I pray for us. I pray that we will some day manage to stay apart or come together. Which ever, I know it is for the better.

If you're thinking of me tonight I hope you dream sweet dreams. Ones that take you far, far away from the thought of me. I hope you have sense enough not to contact me. I won't have the strength to ignore you. You don't really want to go through all that again, do you?

Yours truly,

Me. </3