toughing it out.

** This is going to be somewhat of a rant.  **

Dad,

The first thing I want to tell you about is probably what ticks me off more than anything else. If you ever want to make me very angry, all you have to do is look at me and tell me to my face one more time, "you don't do a damn thing." That is probably the best way to get a good smack in the head from my firm, flattened hand. I am sick and tired of coming home to unhappy parents who are so close minded that they cannot see all that I do do, but instead only see what I do not do. I understand that I don't do every chore in the house without being asked. I don't do the dishes every single day. I don't do the laundry every weekend. I don't dust the house every chance I get. I don't vacuum the house every night. I don't sweep the floor every day. I don't always clean up after myself, and I hardly ever clean up after someone else. This is due to a number of reasons:

It is because:

1.) I am not your maid.- I am the child, you are the adult. I do not have children, I am not a house wife, I do not own this house, and these are not ALL my responsibilities, nor should they be.

2.) I don't always have time.- Believe it or not, I am a high school student, who is currently dual enrolled. I am taking AP college level classes, and I have a LOT on my plate. I get that times have changed since you were in school and that you don't even know what calculus means, however give me some slack. I understand that school is no excuse, but I'm sorry: School comes first, chores come second. Any day.

3.) I forget things.- I am human. If it's that important, remind me. Don't throw a fit, that isn't going to get anything done. In fact, that will just piss me off, and chances are, I won't do it then. Be the mature adult you say you are and remind me politely. You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.

It is not because:

1.) I don't care. - I DO care. I would love to do all the chores in the house. If it made your life easier, and if it got me bitched at less, I would definitely do it in a heart beat. Unfortunately I am sometimes busy, and I DO have a life. As I mentioned before, I am a senior in high school.

2.) I think it's asking too much.- Obviously it isn't asking to much to do the dishes each night. I get that I am not asked to paint the house and mow the lawn every day. I totally understand that what I am being asked to do isn't a big deal and doesn't require much effort. But before you come into my room and interrupt me as I am writing a scholarship essay, to win what could mean 1000 dollars worth of free work time off, ask yourself if there is anyone in the house that is free at that moment that doesn't have important duties regarding school. Ask yourself if there isn't a better candidate, someone who does poorly in school and doesn't care, someone who has extra time. Ask yourself if you couldn't maybe do it yourself this time. Or, if you really want me to do it, just ask me to do it when I get the chance. If I forget, politely remind me. 

3.) I'm lazy.- I am not lazy. I don't spend a lot of time doing things for me. My time goes into school, college, and my boyfriend. I'm lucky if I even get time to see him. There is never a time when I am not doing something that is important, or a time when I am not thinking about all the things that I SHOULD be doing that are important. (and this blog is important because without it I would kill someone.)

So, yes. I do things all the time. Maybe you don't realize it because when you were in school things were different for you, and you didn't ever have to do a lot. Well, news flash. Times have changed. I am required to do well in school, and to go to college. My generation is being asked a hell of a lot more than yours ever was. So, before you tell me that I don't do a damn thing, think about all of my accomplishments, and instead of telling me how terrible of a person I am, think about congratulating me on my successful journey through high school as it has been extremely difficult, and I am somehow still pushing through, and making my way to the finish line with flying colors. Next time, before you tell me about everything that I have not done, before you pick me apart piece by piece, think about all I have done, and see if it outweighs the petty things I have neglected, as your words and actions may be crucial to my decisions regarding whether or not I will call, or come home to visit when I leave for college. Ask yourself if you appreciate my being apart of your life. And if you do, treat me with respect. Otherwise, mark my words: I will not visit home during college. You will not hear from me. You will no longer be a part of my life. It is your choice. Choose wisely, you've only got 62 days left (until graduation) to make an impression, to direct me to a decision that may define the rest of your parenting experience with your one and only daughter. 

It may not sound like it right now, but I do love my dad very much. I am very sad that I feel the things I have written here. I'm disappointed with our relationship. I could be without a father, like so many others. I shouldn't take the things that I do have for granted. I just think he's lost, he doesn't know what to do sometimes because things have changed, and his little girl is growing up. He's trying to hang on as long as he can, and sometimes he gets upset and does things and says things he shouldn't do and say. He has a lot on his mind I'm sure. It must be something to see your children growing up and going off on their own all at the same time practically. I do forgive him. I pray for him every day. I pray for myself every day.

I pray that we can figure out how to get along before it's too late.

Because it is very important to me.

We are both struggling.

"but through struggle there is beauty and resilience."

It just takes some time & hope.

Both of which I have a little of. Hopefully it's enough.

I love you,

I hope you love me still.

-Miranda